Freaks and Drinks

“Kim Kelly is my friend”

This is Freaks and Drinks, the article that brings you a brand new drinking game for every episode of popular late 90s coming-of-age sitcom Freaks and Geeks.  This week we dive into episode IV, which features the blossoming friendship between Lindsay Weir and everyone’s favorite mouth-breathing, tough girl Kim Kelly, portrayed by Busy Phillips.  This episode answers many questions that have been brewing about the Kim Kelly character, such as, why is she such a bitch? And can she be outbitched? The answer to the first one probably has to do with the shit-house crazy relationship with her mom and step dad. The answer to the second one is yes, yes she can by a very young and kinda terrifying Rashida Jones.

Jones plays a tough chick who torments little Sam Weir and comes in between the hormone-fueled, roller coaster ride that is the relationship of Kim and Daniel. John Francis Daley turns out a fantastic performance as this kid dealing with this bully and who is generally getting shit on by everyone who should be helping him. His teachers, parents, his friends who are all cowards, even his sister doesn’t give a shit that he is being humiliated by a girl. But you know who does accidentally does care? Kim Kelly cares.

More like coincidentally has a common enemy.

But Sam doesn’t know that. He doesn’t know that she has her own reasons for wanting Karen dead, all he sees is that Kelly is majorly pissed off at Karen because she “messed with the wrong person this time” and Sam is allowed to believe that person is him,  ‘cause this episode isn’t really about Kim Kelly, Karen or even Lindsay. After all, Kim was just using Lindsay. It’s about Sam. For all you people who have never experienced it or seen the documentary Bully, being bullied fucking sucks.

It’s embarrassing, you feel powerless and clueless what to do about it, and it makes you not want to go to school. Even your friends laugh. My bully was an asshole named Daisy. Now, she was fucking scary, she had a tattoo above her ass that said, “laugh now, cry later” in the 8^th grade and painted on her eyebrows with a sharpie. The only way to deal with a bully is to get a bigger bully to beat up your bully and champion your cause. And ultimately that’s what Kim did for Sam. “Kim Kelly is my friend” comes from Sam’s perspective, because he got to feel like someone tough and cool had his back.

Rules:

• Drink when Kim Kelly is being a bitch.
• Put both hands straight in the air anytime anyone says the word “geek.” The last person to raise their hands takes a drink.
• Drink when Sam declares that Kim Kelly is his enemy.
• Chug when Kim is slapping the shit out of Daniel.
• Drink every time Nick asks Mrs. Weir if he can have some fruit roll-ups.

-Stephanie Rose