Round One

SELFIE

vs

MANHATTAN LOVE STORY

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I’d like to add the title of the new ABC sitcom Selfie to the List of Things People Need to Settle the Fuck Down About, right after bacon and mustaches. Yes, it’s not a very good title. Maybe it will be embarrassing for all involved to look back at this show in 30 years, shocked at the fact that they would ever name something Selfie. But if there was a show that came out in the early 90’s named Pogs, or in the 70’s called Polaroids of Bellbottoms, we probably would have hated them then, but 30 years later thought the titles were cute. Or, much more likely, 30 years later we wouldn’t think of them at all. Yes, it’s a bad name, not just because of how it will be instantly dated, but because it’s generic. But they didn’t want to call their show My Fair Lady 2.0, and they couldn’t think of any thing better. Let’s all move on and discuss the show.

Selfie is another entry into that ever blossoming world of shows with main characters who are terrible, vapid people, also known as the Don’t Trust a Show Starring a B rule. This is a tough corner to put yourself in, and nine times out of ten a show can’t figure out how to do it. Selfie already seems like they have figured it out. The pilot was by no means perfect. I wouldn’t even call it good. But it does seem to have this on lockdown. Here’s a couple of rules of thumb that Selfie gets right:

1. Have your character lack self-awareness. This is how we were able to put up with Michael Scott all of those years. Shitty people suck, but shitty people who love how shitty they are are much harder to watch.

2. Casting, casting, casting. I’m not a Dr Who fan, so the only thing I knew about Karen Gillan going into this was that she was one of Thanos’ daughters in Guardians of the Galaxy. One of the greatest performances of all time, sure, but not really enough to know she could headline a show like this. So far, it seems like she can.

3. It seems like writers enjoy challenging themselves, seeing if they can create the worst character that has ever been the lead of a TV show or a movie. This is a boring thing to do for antagonists, much less protagonists. Even though you want your lead character to be something of a twat, you still have to make him or her fully fleshed out, with strengths and flaws. You can focus on the flaws a little bit more, since you really, really want that challenge, but there has to be something resembling three dimensions.

The clunkiness of Selfie never fell further than average pilotitis. Manhattan Love Story, however, let its pilotitis doom itself from the start. The first scene of the show tried so hard to establish its premise, in which we can hear the inner thoughts of the boy and the girl as they begin a relationship, that we’re given the now legendary “boobs and purses” scene. For those who haven’t seen it yet, the first scene of Manhattan Love Story lets us know that men love boobs and women love purses. It’s a laughably bad introduction to a episode that shows a little bit of spark in its midsection, but can in no way come close to pulling out of its nosedive. Selfie moves on to Round 2, but it has a lot of work to do if it wants to sniff Round 3.

– Ryan Haley

THE FIRST ROUND CONTINUES TOMORROW WITH STALKER VS A TO Z!!!