THE NEW DCU: WEEK FIVE

WEEK FIVE

ALL STAR WESTERN

If you are using the DCnU launch to get into comics for the first time, or get back into comics after a long time off, than you might be confused as to why DC would base a comic on one of the biggest flops in film history. If you were reading DC books before the launch, you know that the Jonah Hex book and movie have very little to do with each other, first and foremost that the book is good, and the movie is awful. Jonah Hex was one of my favorite titles of the DColdU, so I was all aboard for All Star Western, a book that will feature Hex, other Western characters, and have a title that is straight out of the 1930’s. In the first issue, we get one story, with a cliffhanger, which is weird because the old Jonah Hex title was primarily one-and-dones. Someone is murdering whores in Old West Gotham (some things never change, even if they’re in the past). The Gotham PD is having a hard time cracking the case, so in comes Jonah Hex and Dr. Arkham, who will one day go on to create the lowest security mad house of all time. The police are none too happy about these two ringers coming in on the case, but the rough-and-tumble cowboy and the prim-and-proper doctor try to put their differences aside to get some information. The biggest problem here is Dr. Arkham, who is incredibly verbose, which makes him incredibly annoying. Through the power of thought bubbles, he is narrating the story as he is psychoanalyzing Hex, something that we don’t need anyone to do. We already know he’s fucked up. But the story ramps up at just the right time (towards the end, silly), and I definitely want to know how Hex shoots his way to victory. I want to know how he stops himself from shooting Arkham. And I want to know how the Gotham of old becomes the Gotham of new. – RH

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

AQUAMAN

Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis are tasked with bring America’s least favorite superhero into the DCnU. How do they go about doing that? They tackle the problem head on. After Aquaman stops a couple of badguys doing badguy things in their badguy van, Aquaman realizes he is hungry. He walks into a seafood restaurant in his full Aquaman get-up. This doesn’t go unnoticed, as all of the employees and customers in the restaurant stare at him in wonder, or snicker at him for being Aquaman. The lunch decsion is interesting for a couple reasons: it lets one of the customers talk to Aquaman about being Aquaman, and also shows how a normal ass DCnU citizen reacts to this newfangled thing called superheroes. The customer who talks to him is a blogger who wants an interview. This is where Johns focuses on the shittiness of Aquaman. Johns has said before that Aquaman is his favorite DC character, but he must know that the rest of the world finds him pretty absurd. So, representing the world, the blogger asks him what it’s like to talk to fish, to which Aquaman explains that he can’t, and what it’s like to be “nobody’s favorite superhero”, which is a little too much for Aquaman to take, so he storms out of the restaurant. The book ends with Aquaman bitching to his woman about how he didn’t ask for this responsibility. Can he really not take society thinking that he is just a wash-up (pun intended), or did he never want to be Aquaman, and the blogger had nothing to do with is. And then some monsters pop out of the water. Whatevs. I kind of rolled my eyes when the “How lame is Aquaman” conversation came up, but the more I think about it, the more interesting I find the angle. I’m in for a while, if for no other reason than writing Aquaman seems like a hell of a challenge, and I want to see how they do it. – RH

 

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT

It’s pretty much business as usual with Batman: the Dark Knight. I don’t mean that as a slight in any way, this was a solid issue in the scheme of things. Bruce Wayne gives a speech about fear that mirrors his actions as Batman. An internal affairs cops is all up his ass about funding Batman, and wanting to know who on Gotham PD is helping him out. A beautiful exotic lady shows up and extracts Bruce from the sure to be uncomfortable conversation with the cop, then flirts and disappears into the party, which leaves Bruce pining. A classic Arkham Asylum breakout/villain take-over has Batman going in with Gotham PD in full battle gear to save the employees and 65 officers who were inside when the supposedly impossible event occurred. For no reason at all, Batman knows Two-Face is behind the breakout, and at the end of the issued Two-Face is revealed all huge and ‘roided out. Again, business as usual. I enjoyed reading this issue- it was nice to see Bruce in full on playboy/philanthropist mode. The panels of the villains decimating the security detail, and then later Batman decimating them were all awesome. I just don’t really understand the point of this book. We shouldn’t get to business as usual for awhile; with all of the first issues of these specially selected books, there should either be jagged hooks to force us to want to read the coming issues, or huge changes to the world. This had neither, so I’m just confused at why DC thought they should add another Batman book in a pretty Bat-family crowded arena. -MG

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

BLACKHAWKS

The Blackhawks are a covert group that works for the United Nations doing…something. There are at least six of them, all with various specialties I can only assume, but all with the exact same fuck-the-world-I-live-dangerous attitude. Though the UN funds them, they have equipment and resources that far outreach that organization’s budget. Oh the mystery! There are little robots called nanocites that can get inside people and do basically anything. Do you care? Because I really really don’t. There were no glorious flaws in this book, there was just nothing at all that peaked my interest. The characters all seemed bored with their lives, and after an issue- so am I. -MG

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

THE FLASH

Occasionally people will declare art great because of how long it seemingly took to draw or paint. Alex Ross is a great artist because it must take him forever to do just a cover, or Jim Lee is a great artist because look at all of those lines…there’s just so many lines! I’m not saying that these artists aren’t great, but it is kind of a dumb reason to base your opinion on. Conversely, if art looks a little more cartoony than those artists, they don’t get as much respect, and it’s because it appears the artists didn’t spend a lot of time on their art. They took the easy way out, and a way out that most people could do. The Flash #1, along with any issue of Chew and Invincible, is the perfect example of how this is total bullshit.

 

Geoff Johns and Francis Manapul started a Flash title about a year ago. The story was rocky, mired in delays and event tie-ins, but the art was unarguably amazing. Even if you don’t typically like a less realistic style, Manapul’s layouts were awesome enough to make you get over it. Restarting a title, as they did, or “rebooting it” as written by Manapul and Brian Buccellato, and drawn by Manapul, gives Flash creators to dump all of the continuity, and just have fun. It’s a guy whose power is to run real fast. That’s it. Now it’s your job to come up with cool ways to run real fast, and draw them in the best way possible. Manapul may not be the best artist working today (arguable), but he has to be the best artist-to-title match-up.

 

Flash stories aren’t always the simplest, but, relatively speaking, this one is a good starting point. We meet Barry Allen, we meet a couple side characters, we see The Flash in action during a hoity-toity party, we get a fairly crazy cliffhanger. Standard stuff to be sure, and with another artist, would have probably got a final rating of “Good” or “Good Plus”. With Manapul drawing, and now almost completely in charge, it shoots into the top five or so of the DCnU. It makes sense; The Flash deserves to be at that Batman/Superman/Wonder Woman/Green Lantern level, and the way to make that happen starts with him starring in a good book. – RH

 

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

THE FURY OF FIRESTORM THE NUCLEAR MEN

The Fury of Firestorm the Nuclear Men, which for the sake of brevity, I will be calling Fury of Firestorm the Nuclear Men for the duration of this article, is another one of those headscratching decisions, because who the fuck was possibly clamoring for this to be a title. It doesn’t matter at this point; they chose it, and I read it, and now I have to write about it. The premise of the book is actually kind of cool. We follow two stories, the first about a team of secret ops badguys who are looking for something they believe terrorists stole. The other story is about two high school kids, the sensitive jock and the angry reporter nerd, who don’t like each other. Lo and behold, the nerd has what the badguys are looking for, a vial of nuclear power, and when the badguys come to the high school to get it, the nerd uses the power to turn BOTH high school kids into Firestorm (the Nuclear Men). High school kids as superheroes? Been working since 1963. Two kids, polar opposite of each other, with the same exact powers? Sounds pretty sweet. The downfall of this book, though, is the dialogue. The ideas are all there, but the dialogue is confusing and awful. The writer, Gail Simone, is trying so hard to have all of the kids talk like kids do in real life, but that’s not always the best idea, especially when kids in real life talk like idiots. She throws random punctuation in to her dialogue in order to develop speech patterns and intonations, and repeats words and phrases where she thinks real people would, and it just doesn’t work. Too bad, because this was kind of almost a good idea. – RH

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

GREEN LANTERN: NEW GUARDIANS

Why are so many Green Lanterns needed in the sector Earth is in? If each Lantern is supposed to have a jurisdiction, how can there already be three in this new universe? I know everyone has their favorite, and the Green Lantern books were doing well before the reboot, but it’s just ridiculous. I really don’t care about Green Lantern much, whoever happens to be wearing the power ring at the moment. Something about comics in space generally rub me the wrong way- it’s an unfair bias; I know that and I’m working on it. Maybe it’s things like aliens saying, “I’m going to make you scream like girls” (which happens in this issue) really bug me- I just don’t think an alien from halfway across the universe would use that phrase, or any other Earth vernacular. That being said, a Lantern who has the imagination of an artist, and therefore is going to create more than a giant fist seems pretty sweet. Add to that a ring from every other corps coming to him, killing almost all of the original bearers and pissing off all of the other corps in the process, this book has potential to win me over to space comics. With the amount of plot they had to shove into this issue to get to the cliffhanger at the end, they handled the characterization and pacing well. After being inundated with heroes learning about their powers, both on screen and in comics, it’s delightful to have a comic just skip that shit and get to the good parts. -MG

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

I, VAMPIRE

I honestly have no clue what happened in this book. What I do know is that even though it seems like this book only exists to trap some Twilight/True Blood fans into jumping on the DCnU bandwagon, it shares little with those two franchises. I also know that there is a huge world of vampires in this DCU, with a long past and a passionate present (I think). Even though it was a little confusing, and by no means straightforward, I was never bored. The book moves by at a deceptively rapid pace, and the art is perfect for this book — confusing yet intriguing. I can’t say I’m excited for this book (I can’t say I’m anything for this book…again, not sure what happened), but I do want to know how it handles the future. Does this clear up? Was it clear, and I’m just an idiot? Does it stay like this forever? I have no idea (clearly), but I want to know just bad enough to keep going. -RH

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK

I’m a big believer that every heroic team needs their black ops counter part to do the dirty work they can’t sully their golden image with. X-Men have X-Force, Avengers have the Secret Avengers, in the Marvel universe really any team that is associated with Wolverine will get into some dark shit. DC generally doesn’t have those darker counter teams, until now. Aptly named Justice League Dark, this group is going to tackle issues JLA can’t handle- the change up here is the public team can’t handle these operations not because of their violent or black ops nature, but because they delve into the magical and spiritual realms, which fuck up the normal Justice League members. Watching Superman get torn up by an old psychotic witch’s teeth flying through the air is one of the creepier things I’ve read in a long time. I like the angle they’re taking with this team, all of the magic users seem to be slightly crooked, slightly deranged or completely unhinged. Watching them deal with each other, and clash with the members of the flagship Justice League is sure to be pretty entertaining. The only members I was familiar with before this issue were Constantine, Zatanna and Deadman- all who I’ve seen handled very poorly and very well, with everything in between. The other characters who will make up the team are all intriguing in this first book, I’m excited to learn about them all and the visions of the apocalyptic future. Though I could just be a sucker for getting the team together storylines.-MG

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

THE SAVAGE HAWKMAN

Right away, it’s obvious Carter Hall is not going to be you average do-good super hero. The art is the first clue- it’s just slightly stylized and grittier than a normal DC book setting the tone before the story even begins. The book opens with Carter torching and burying the Hawkman outfit that gives him his powers, claiming either he or Hawkman needs to die. Too bad the Nth metal the suit is made of has other plans, and engulfs Carter in flames. Mystery! Flash to ancient alien wreckage being dredged out of the ocean, and a pretty shady looking dude yelling at his team to get Carter to the site and translate the markings (seeing as he’s a hoighty-toighty cryptologist). Mystery! Carter wakes up after days and watches himself heal in a matter of minutes, which was not something he’d ever done before. Mystery! At the site, a mummified alien is pulled out of the wreck, and when the scientists take a sample of it; the best Venom impression I have ever seen happens. We’re talking black goo covering someone and possessing them style. Some other stuff happens, then the Hawkman armor appears out of nowhere on Carter! Mystery! He fights the alien and gets his ass handed to him. There just wasn’t anything new about this book; the art was great, but everything else was just so so.-MG

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

SUPERMAN

This title gives us more insight into Superman’s world than Action Comics did. Or more specifically Clark’s world. The Daily Planet has been bought out by a tabloid conglomerate owned by Morgan Edge, who is the new trustworthy face of a company that was plagued with underhanded reporting and yellow journalism. Clark is boycotting the ceremony presenting the new Daily Planet building, along with the announcement that Lois Lane is now in charge of TV and new media department. As Clark, he is less mild mannered than in the old worlds. He and Lois butt heads about the new direction of the Planet, and he turns down the lead anchor position both for moral reasons, and the obvious not waning the world to stare to hard at the face of Clark Kent. The rest of the Planet’s cast is filled, and there are enough of them that the paper’s dynamic interests me even without the super-heroism. Even if it’s just little moments, we see the variety of characters’ motivations and the lack of black and white in their world. Thankfully, Lois shows she hasn’t completely sold out when she gets the big story without endangering others, even though this irritates Edge. Which, big hint, probably means he isn’t as squeaky clean as Lois first believed. The best moment of this issue was at the end, when it shows how alone Clark is in this world; his walls are built up, and he can’t allow himself to get close to anyone, while having to listen to everything they say. I’m looking forward to the more character driven stories in this book while Action handles the….action. -MG

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

TEEN TITANS

This issue did so many things right. Slick art, a plot that rushes forward without taking a breath, and a promise of so much more to come. We get hooked in with a quick prologue of Kid Flash breaking onto the world scene and severely screwing things up with his act before thinking mentality. This is being monitored by Tim Drake, a former Robin, who is also monitoring several other teenage super-heroes from a penthouse somewhere. Hints of Tim being frustrated with the regular super-hero life, and at least slight blame towards Batman for starting the teen super hero kick are dropped without being too heavily dwelled on; there’s a whole series of those issues to come up again. Instead we get a clandestine organization hunting down super kids, Tim getting Wonder Girl (a more badass, car stealing version than her pre-reboot counterpart) on his side, and the aforementioned nefarious organization releasing Superboy to track down the pesky teen heroes. This book doesn’t dwell on needless details, they grab the reader by the hand and sprint through the action at full speed. The few members of the soon-to-be-formed Teen Titans we actually meet, only bits of their personalities’ are shown, but in a way that leaves you wanting more, not out of lack of characterization. Tim Drake was always the smartest Robin in my book, and I’m glad he has a place in the new DCU to lead the teens and shine.-MG

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS

 

VOODOO

The Voodoo Club is a strip club who awards their most popular dancer with the privilege of using the stage name “Voodoo”. The current Voodoo is a quiet stripper that no one knows anything about. One night, a couple of “those people” come in to the strip club, wanting some answers. You know who “those people”are. They look like normal people, but they always want information, are paid for by some government agency or underground secret society, know how to kick the shit out of anyone, and never get busted for bending or breaking the laws. Anyway. The female TP goes home, tired of watching the male TP get a boner. Once she’s gone, the male TP decides to get a private dance from Voodoo. And then all hell breaks loose. I’m not going to do spoilers here. What I will say is that writer Ron Marz doesn’t spend too much time giggling at the almost nude ladies in his book, artist Sami Basri finds a perfect mix of cartoony and tracing, and this book is a nice change of pace from heroes and villains. It will be interesting to follow Voodoo’s story, and see how she weaves in and out of the rest of DCnU. – RH

 

RATING:

CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT ISSUE

I’LL READ IT IF I CAN FIND THE TIME

FUCK IT. COULDN’T CARE LESS