I’m a sucker for old Hollywood glamour and all things pulp-y so I was super excited to finally sit my ass down and watch this film noir classic starring the iconic Barbara Stanwyck. While I ultimately enjoyed the film it was more a nostalgic look at film history than an actually pleasurable movie going experience. 

Made in 1944 Double Indemnity is often touted as one of the premiere [American] film noir which
means it was groundbreaking in its day but seems cheesy and dated to modern eyes. It’s not a terrible movie, it just hasn’t aged very well. From an aesthetic point of view the cinematography is absolutely beautiful and director Billy Wilder does some fantastic things with light, shadow and blocking. But the story lacks energy and the acting is so abysmally wooden the leads would’ve been better played by puppets…actually that sounds pretty awesome. Ok as of right now I am officially calling dibs on the muppet murder mystery genre so none of you fuckers better steal my idea.

The movie opens on a silhouette of a man in crutches hobbling slowly as the beginning credits roll and when I finally stopped laughing it dawned on me that perhaps this was a sign of things to come. It’s your classic story of boy meets girl, girl gets boy to kill her husband and commit insurance fraud, suspicious claims adjuster unravels the plot —there’s a reason most crime stories feature detectives, insurance claims are boring. The plot manages to unfold both glacially slow and at breakneck speed at the same time. In the course of his daily insurance sales Walter Neff happens upon a house in the Hollywood hills and a scheming trophy wife played by Stanwyck. Neff is immediately smitten with her bad blond dye job and is pretty creepy with the double entendres considering he just met this lady two minutes ago. But obviously that’s his thing, getting too close too fast because literally the second time they’re together he’s plotting to murder her husband for the most lucrative insurance payoff. I get that Stanwyck’s supposed to be some super hot femme fatale but unless there are hours of off-screen blowjobs I just don’t buy it.

Then there are a bunch of scenes where they’re meeting clandestinely in supermarkets and calling each other baby a lot while planning the crime. This is where the pacing really bothered me; the adulterous, murderous relationship was established inside ten minutes only to flounder for an hour before finally doing the deed. Then we finally get to the action the camera cuts away just before the money shot! So instead of getting the satisfaction of watching Fred MacMurray (aka the original Nutt Professor) strangle this guy they’ve been talking about for an hour we’re stuck staring at Stanwyck’s blank face for what feels like an eternity. From there it really gets interesting…as long as your definition of interesting includes insurance legalese. Neff’s claims adjustor buddy is apparently way better at his job than the cops because he keeps harping on the details long after they’ve declared it an accident. As the conspiracy begin to fray Neff realizes his dream girl has been playing him all along and the only way to get out alive is to kill her. What follows must be the most emotionless standoff ever filmed with both characters spouting monotone lines and staring at each other vacantly until someone shoots first.

Here’s the thing, at its debut the film was criticized by some for hardening impressionable audiences and being of low moral character. So obviously this was all shocking and edgy for its day, kind of like when Elvis was considered dangerous and perverse but next to say Eminem that’s just laughable. As a film nerd I can appreciate what it did for the landscape of the genre, but unless you’re already into that kind of thing it’s not really worth it. Check out Sunset Boulevard or Touch of Evil instead if you’re in the mood for a truly captivating classic Hollywood crime drama, both are a solid four stars whereas this struggles to hit two and a half.-AS