THE POP FILTER TOP TEN

2012 OFFERINGS YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF YET

10. MOONRISE KINGDOM

I was one of the earliest Wes Anderson adopters I knew. Bottle Rocket was so weird and wonderful to me, and did things I didn’t know you could do in a comedy, or maybe it was funny in ways I didn’t know could be possible in a drama. And then there was Rushmore, which became one of those time capsule movies that will always be representative of that era it came out, its grasp on me was that strong. That being said, I jumped off the Anderson train just as fast. Where as once he was this director that I would follow anywhere, I look at him now as a guy that makes movies I need to send scouts to first, reporting back to me what was good about the movie and, more importantly, what was so twee and self-indulgent that it became unbearable. But, I will always send those scouts, and there will be a part of me that always looks forward to his next movie, hoping that this will be the one that proves I was actually wrong about him in the beginning, that he is actually much more talented than I ever thought. So, here’s to hoping Moonrise Kingdom is that movie. It’s about a couple that runs away together, leading the sheriff of the town (Bruce Willis!!!) and the girl’s parents to search for them. The movie takes place in the 1960’s, which seems like a good start, and the cast, as usual, is awesome, inevitable Jason Schwartzman appearance notwithstanding. Bill Murray, Edward Norton, Frances McDormand, Harvey Keitel, and Tilda Swinton all team up to lead Anderson back to the top. – RH

9. ALCATRAZ

 J.J. Abrams production company, Bad Robot’s newest foray into serialized mind-fuckery once again includes mysteries, an island, time travel and the dude who played Hurley on Lost. But this time, it’s an island we all know and love, time travel that seems a little easier to wrap our heads around and Sam Mothafuckin’ Neil. Neil doesn’t always do stellar projects, but he consistently turns in awesome work that’s compelling even when the events around him are less than. When long lost criminals from Alcatraz’s past start turning up in San Francisco not a day older than when they had vanished, SF PD teams up with special agents to track down and stop the renewed crime sprees. Yes there will be nerd humor from Hurley, yes there will be government cover ups, and yes our minds will be fucked with. I’m in.-MG

 

8. STEVEN SODERBERGH

OK, I understand that you have heard of Steven Soderbergh, but I’m pretending that you have not heard of the two movies he directed that are scheduled for release in 2012. Why should you care? One, because Soderbergh rules, and even his misses are more interesting than a lot of other directors successes. Two, he directed two movies in 2000, and then got nominated for two Best Director Oscars. And three, Soderbergh keeps threatening retirement, and although I don’t believe him, you never know which movie will be his last, and you better fucking appreciate him while you have them. Also, both movies star Channing Tatum. If that’s the reason you need to go see these movies, fine. See if I care. Haywire, which comes out very soon, sounds dumb as shit. Girl spy gets double-crossed, girl spy gets revenge. But hey, it’s Soderbergh, so I’ll go see it. Magic Mike comes out later this year. It stars your boy Tatum as a veteran stripper who has to teach a rookie stripper how to strip. Hmmm…that sounds dumb, too. You’re lucky you’re so awesome, Soderbergh. – RH

7. HOUSE OF LIES

Showtime’s newest series follows a management consultation company who are willing to do some shady shit for their clients, apparently. I’m barely sure that I understand what a management consultation company does, other than jumping from company to company telling them how to handle their business. The cast is the biggest attraction for me: Don Cheadle leads the company in their nefarious ways, and Kristen Bell and Ben Schwartz (and 2 others) round out the main cast, Schwartz and Bell bringing their very different brands of adorable awfulness to the mix. These three people consistently do awesome work, and comedy about a group of people paid to fuck other people over and the opportunity for some great guest spots at the various client companies definitely intrigues me. I’m thinking Party Downesque shenanigans with lower moral barometer.-MG

6. ARGO

Much like a young Wes Anderson, Ben Affleck has come from nowhere to automatically get me interested in any movie he directs, a sentence that still feels odd to type. If Affleck just came out and said that his 2012 movie would be yet another thriller based on a book, I would have no problem with that. Instead he found a premise that is so nutballs it has to be true (and is!!!). In 1979, the United States and Canada decide they need to get off their asses and figure out this whole Iran hostage crisis thingy. They’re forced to go to plan-z, which is to create a science fiction movie from scratch, move towards production on this fake movie, and convince Iran that six of their hostages were just location scouts for this totally real movie, and not U.S. diplomats. Why is there a picture of an old man above this? That, you nincompoop, is Jack “The King” Kirby, who had a hand in creating most of the characters you go see in theaters, and was brought in to be a production designer for the fake science fiction movie. If everything goes according to plan, Ben Affleck can make this guy a household name, even if it’s not for the reasons he should be. – RH

5. BAYOU BILLIONAIRES

If that title doesn’t get your engine going (and that fact that CMT, or Country Music Television now has ORIGINAL programming!), I don’t know what will. The pitch is simple, promising me a camera crew that is going to follow the real-life Beverly Hillbillies…did you read that?!?! The REAL-LIFE BEVERLY MOTHERFUCKING HILLBILLIES!! This show is the American dream: start poor, make way too much fucking money for doing basically nothing and then spend it like it’s giving you herpes. This show will not only make you scream and throw things at your television, but it will also make you incredibly jealous of people that have done nothing to earn their fortune. I am watching this show with the most irony I can muster but, just like everything in my life that I begin liking ironically, I will eventually fall in love with it and it will become one of my darkest, dirtiest, guilties pleasures. Yep, it’s just Bayou Billionaires and Hentai. – JRN

4. FRANKENWEENIE

Much like an old Wes Anderson, Tim Burton has gone from “top 5 directors of my childhood” to “fucking hack.” Unlike Wes Anderson, I no longer secretly look forward to Tim Burton movies, hoping that this will be the one that once again shows the imagination he displayed twenty years ago. But this might be the one. I know I don’t need to explain anymore, because you’ve already read the title of the movie, but humor me for a second. Frankenweenie, about a Frankensteined wiener dog, was a short Tim Burton made in the early eighties, and it basically put him on the map, allowing him to go on and make big budget studio movies. Some may see this as a desperate man mining whatever is left in his desperate brain, but I think this might be the perfect way to get him back to basics, and remember the reasons he got this job in the first place. And as support, he has assembled a team of veritable Tim Burton All-Stars, including Winona Ryder, Martin Landau, and Catherine O’Hara. – RH

3. LIFE’S TOO SHORT

Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais are back with their new project that seems like it’s going to be a cross between Extras and Curb Your Enthusiasm, which means if you like anything good, sounds like an amazing combination. LTS, which all the cool kids will be calling it, follows Warwick Davis, famous dwarf, (most people know him from Willow) as he deals wit trying to be a dwarf in Hollywood. A conceited, manipulative terrible person of a dwarf who also runs a talent agency for dwarves. Shit, is dwarf offensive? Maybe I should’ve said talent agency for little people, since midgets can work there too. Though that’s just an assumption on my part, what if midgets couldn’t work there, that’d be so fucked up- dwarf on midget hate crime I hope the show deals with the too-oft ignored tragedy. -MG

2. BLACK SABBATH

I know you’ve heard of Black Sabbath, you jerkass, but have you heard of Black Sabbath…2012? That’s right, Ozzy, Tommy, Bill and Geezer are back, and not a moment too soon. I have never been much of a metal fan, but these assholes from the 70’s have made some of the raddest fucking music I have ever heard and will hopefully be putting on a clinic for all of the whiny, pussy, emo bastards that I love so dearly. And though I love my Bon Iver, Bright Eyes and Decemberists whole-heartedly, even a puss needs something to bang his fucking head to from time to time. I have a sincere hope that this album will be the head-banging extravaganza of my dreams, but I am also tempering that with a realistic expectation that this album might become instant kitch and be nothing more than a nostalgic look back at an amazing and influential band. Either way, an absolutely amazing band getting back together after over 30 years apart will always make me scorch my shorts. And just thinking about this album and subsequent reunion tour has left many of my shorts fully scorched. – JRN

1. ANGRY BOYS

Australian comic actor and auteur Chris Lilley returns with a new mockumentary focusing on what it’s like to be a young man in the modern world. Lilley keeps his pattern of playing numerous characters shockingly grounded in reality no matter their age or gender. If you haven’t seen WE CAN BE HEROES or SUMMER HEIGHTS HIGH, do yourself a favor and educate yourself on one of the funniest comic minds out there that almost no one knows about. Lilley’s shows make you actually feel for for the characters, even when the middle- aged man is playing a bitchy teenage girl or Philipino punk-ass, he somehow makes you care about his characters like they were real. Expect catchy songs, envelopes pushed (if that’s something that can still happen) and messages to come across all in a hilarious package.-MG