WINTER TV EXTRAVAGANZA

 

THE FIRM

*1/2 (OUT OF ****)

Because one fat woman in Delaware demanded it, we now have the continuing adventures of Mitch McDeere, the lawyer from the 1993 film The Firm, originally played by Tom Cruise. I’m not exactly sure why the time felt right to bring back The Firm, but the show starts about a decade after the movie ends. At this point, Mitch has gone into protective custody, the reasons of which will be explained in the season-long plotline, and then come out of protective custody, which allows him to start a new practice and give us deliciously taut one-and-done plotlines. Seems pretty simple right. A-plots that will allow the casual viewers to have something to watch, with a more complex B-plot that rewards every week watchers? It’s not the most original idea, but it’s worked for years. If Mitch’s cases are any good, and they surround him with some decent supporting performances, what’s the worst that could happen?

The Firm is the worst that could happen. Oh my God. Its stupidity knows no bounds. This is not a pilot in which there are a few kinks to work out. Every scene of this show feels like it’s two decades old, as if it has no idea about the advancements television has made in filmmaking and writing since the days of Magnum, P.I. In the pilot, Mitch is assigned a case in which he has to defend a kid accused of killing another kid on a playground (he did it, now you don’t have to watch it). The plot machinations are fine, if not a little familiar. But it’s as if the case was dropped into the cage of a dozen mentally-challenged chimps, who don’t know whether to poop on it, scream at it, or  dramatically look at each other with a look that screams “duh.”

The Firm was very close to being worth watching because of how laughably bad it is. Unfortunately, it’s a two hour pilot, and by the time it’s done, you just feel too worn out to laugh. A lot was made about a trailer for the show that came out a couple months ago. It featured Mitch, played in his typical “Poor man’s Matthew McConaughey” style by Josh Lucas, on the phone, telling his wife “It’s happening again”. It was delivered so incredibly awfsome that the only explanation was that they fucked up one line, and accidentally put it into the preview. Not true. All of the lines are like that. – RH