POP FILTER TOP TEN
THE POP FILTER TOP 40
TV THEME SONGS
In which we finally fucking get to 10-1.
10. THE MUPPET SHOW
Sometimes the point of a theme song can be to introduce you to the characters, or to the premise of the show. Sometimes it can be nothing more than shit that plays just so the opening credits won’t be silent. And sometimes — not often, but sometimes — it serves to get you pumped the fuck up. The show’s theme song is introducing the show that the show is about, with all of the main characters getting ready to put on a show, which will be the main point of the show, which will show some of that in the show. This could be confusing if you had missed the theme song, or if a more generic theme song was used. But it wasn’t, so it’s not, and you will understand everything that’s going on the entire time. Or you’ll still be confused, but who gives a shit? You’ll be excited enough not to care. It’s time to play the music. It’s time to light the lights. – RH
9. THE OFFICE (US)
Yes, it’s instrumental. Yes, it’s relatively short. Yes, it will get stuck in your head for days. And yes, this is the only part of the show that is completely better than the UK version. The Office (US) has a theme that goes from sounding like a pomp and circumstance to a rock n’ roll classic. I’m not sure why or how they made the transition in moods as smooth as they did, but it is ultra impressive every single time. I assume that this was written by Devo with God’s dick on paper made from the hides of cows that are so well kept that they make the cows that go to making Kobe beef look like dog shit that is trampled through the house on the shoe of an eight year old. Now I don’t know if that’s true, (it almost definitely is) but it seems like the only way that something this deceptively simple yet completely awesome could ever be remembered. Or they just used regular paper. — JRN
8. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
It’s only the catchiest, most reference tv theme song in the history of man. Back in the days of Alexander the Great they would describe the victors in battle as ‘heroes in a half-shell’. Intercut with the amazing 80’s poprockness, the Turtles describe the show and themselves to the viewer. Are you looking to watch a group that’s really hip? You’re in luck my friend, within the first 3 seconds of the song they let you know that’s what you’re in for. While bombarding you with awesomeness you’ll be singing for eons to come, it’s also giving you the loose backstory you’ll need to be able to watch the show from any point. They’re Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they’re green, they’re the world’s most fearsome fighting team, Splinter taught them. Most importantly, Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines, Raphael is cool but rude and Jason’s name is Jason Noble. Now you can watch the show.-MG
7. THE WONDER YEARS
I’m not a television insider but I bet it’s either considered bad form or a risky move to use an already existing song for your opening theme. But if the shoe fits, make a cover of a Beatles song your opening theme song because the Beatles are awesome. A story is about to be told here, this theme song says, and it’s not wrong. —SB
6. X- MEN
I still get a little kid boner when I hear this song. X-Men mentally prepared me for the day every morning, and it’s what got me into comic books. None of that would’ve happened if the theme song hadn’t grabbed my childish brain with it’s driving forcefulness. This song means business, so much so that the show would use at the end of every episode in the climactic fight. Because, sure they could score the show with more music, but why when you have the most epic fight song already written? Most important, it’s literally the only instrumental theme song everyone knows the lyrics to. If you think you don’t, listen to it and you’ll know exactly where to put the words “Gambit, too!”-MG
5. SANFORD AND SONS
Bum-bum-bwan-up
Bum-bum-bwan-up bwan-up bwao
Bum-bum-bwan-up
Bum-bum-bwan-up bwan-up bwaoYou smiling right now? Yeah, I know you are. – RH
Bum-bum-bwan-up bwan-up bwao
Bum-bum-bwan-up
Bum-bum-bwan-up bwan-up bwaoYou smiling right now? Yeah, I know you are. – RH
4. BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES
Quite possibly the most epic theme song for any show ever, let alone any cartoon. Right away it sets the tone of the show, letting you know this isn’t going to be some happy campy bullshit. It starts off eerie, and then kicks into high gear with an explosion. The intro bleed noir, and gives an air of danger and violence rarely seen in cartoons even today with its gorgeous animation mixed with the haunting orchestra. This is a show where Batman gets real and fuck shit up, and he’s going to tie a batarang around your legs and drag you along for the ride, and you’re going to love it.-MG
3. THE SIMPSONS
For over 500 episodes now the Simpsons theme has been steadily ingraining itself into all of our brains. We have all now been programmed, almost as much as Homer is programmed to drool at the sight of a glorious donut, to expect some whim, fancy, delight, and satire for at least some of the following 24-30 minutes. Danny Elfman’s composition sets a tone of fun and folly which we expect from the series. No matter what is going on in the world around us when we hear the opening chorus of singers, we can trust the city of Springfield to spring to life, with a predictable (and comforting) set of events inevitably following. Grocery checker scanning Maggie: check. Lisa sax solo: check. Bart scrawls topical joke on chalkboard: check. We’re ready to be whisked away to a word where no one ever ages and everyone’s hands only have 4 digits. Thanks, Simpson’s theme song. —LF
2. THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR
The only rap song that all of America knows every word of, the theme song from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air did something that’s kind of dated, but that I kind of miss: it told the origin story. Every single week, before we got to see exactly how the Will Smith, the pussiest street tough of all time, would torment the poor Banks family that took him in and tolerated him like he was one of their own, we would be re-told the story of how all of this came to be. Never would there be any confusion as to how this kid wound up in this house. We would always know exactly how his life both got flipped AND turned upside down, regardless of what else happened in the episode. The rap duo DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince had a few other hits to call their own, but nothing they ever created as a team would have the effect that this sixty second chart topper would have. – RH
1. CHEERS
A good theme song can be hummed by someone who has never even seen the show, but someone who has never seen Cheers can do much more than hum it; they probably know the song word for word. Where Everybody Knows Your Name, written by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart, feels much more like an actual song, as opposed to something that’s “just a theme songâ€, which is a lot of the reason that it was able to have crossover popularity and burn up the Billboard charts of 1982. When I recently burned through the entire run of Cheers, I didn’t skip the opening credits a single time, which is something I rarely do. I didn’t skip it because it really is a good song, but it also embodies the feeling and tone of a show more than any other theme song of all time. Any time you hear it, you don’t feel like your watching the show, you feel like you’re inside that fictional bar, and that’s impressive for any song to do, theme song or not. – RH