MADE IN JERSEY

*1/2 (out of ****)

CANCELED

Made in Jersey is such an abhorrent, transparent mess, you can almost hear the studioheads and producers greenlighting aspects of the show as you’re watching it. People like procedurals, or least like to watch unconventional oddballs run around the town and stumble into clues. Is this an original idea? No, but you can’t blame the producers too much for that one. Where you can blame them is their idea to capitalize on the popularity of all things Jersey, particularly Jersey Shore. Not only are they about three years too late, but audiences who tuned into Jersey Shore did so because they like to watch fucking disgusting gorillas throw their shit at each other. It’s not viewed with a sense of Jersey, or human, pride. It shows such a deft deafness for all things pop culture by all of the people responsible for putting this shit out. If you’re still interested, Made in Jersey is the story of Martina, a Jersey princess who is attempting to distance herself from her past by becoming a big time lawyer. You can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can’t take the cocks out of both her mouth and her ass, so Martina will always be a little bit of the Jersey girl she grew up as. This comes in handy, though, as she has insight into things no other lawyers ever would. When a pair of pliers is found at a murder scene, Martina tells everyone at her firm that they are in fact not a murder weapon, but instead used to pull the zipper up on very tight pants. Breathtaking drama, you fucking schmucks. – RH