The Thirst Games

The Clueless Drinking Game

            Clueless more or less shaped the kind of person I wanted to be when I was 10. You pee-standing-up types have your Spiderman’s and Bugs Bunny, I had Cher. As my tribute to this wonderful movie, for your next Thirst Games drinking party (I KNOW that’s a thing), I submit queen of the teen scene Amy Heckerling’s 1995 classic, that is actually based on Jane Austen’s classic 1815 novel “Emma.” I just finished re-reading Emma today.

Jane does not appreciate my appraisal of her work

God I hate that book. This ultra-privileged, totally snobby and convinced of her own superiority know-it-all meddles in the lives of the people around her, much to their detriment, and it ends with her getting married to the richest guy in the book. How is it that one of my favorite characters of all movie-time is based on this chick? There is a lot to connect the two stories in the plots and characters but where is the disconnect? Emma and Cher are essentially the same character. Why when this character is tweaked a little bit and turned into a modern-day teenager do I admire her instead of wanting to throw rocks at her? Then I remembered something interesting my professor said. For about the first 150 years after Emma was written, the literary criticisms dug Emma as character, and then there was an anti-Emma bandwagon for about 30 years after that. It got me thinking, this has got to be an American influence. We do not abide snobs in this country. Think of any movie or T.V show featuring wealthy white Anglo-Saxon Protestants, they are always the bad guys, or the people getting beaten up by the Bundys.

An American Hero

We are a nation that roots for underdogs.  Both Emma and Cher are flawed characters, but Cher’s flaws make her more accessible to a modern American audience, while Emma’s make her dislikable. Cher’s life is completely enviable, she’s rich, popular, lives in a mansion in Beverly Hills, she’s beautiful, drives a cool Jeep, and she has a program on her computer that links to a motorized closet that puts together cute outfits. She is accessible because she is kind of a ditz, who is well-meaning and self-assured but doesn’t understand that she is viewing the world from a privileged perspective. At the same time, she is compelling because is that she is cunning, self-possessing, persuasive, and ultimately a loving friend with a big heart. She makes mistakes and learns from them, and actively tries to be a better person. It’s a fantastic fun movie to watch over and over again and to drink many, many drinks to. Here are your rules:

Take a Drink Everytime:

1. Cher drives her Jeep (take two drinks if she hits anything)
2. A Character is wearing a mini-skirt
3. Anyone says, “As if” or “What-ever” or “Makeover”
4. Breckin Meyer is on screen
5. Anytime you hear a round of applause
6. Anyone is dancing
7. Amber insults someone or is insulted
8. Dionne and Murray are fighting
9. Take one in honor of Brittany Murphy
10. Josh is criticizing Cher
11. Chug the ENTIRE time people are Rolling with the Homies, you must do the hand motion
12. Dan Hedaya (Cher’s dad) is yelling

Have fun!