Am I Right, Ladies? Fictional Guys That Make My Ovaries Shrivel Part Two

My previous post on un-appealing fictional men seemed to cause some discussion, so why not find a few more ovary-shrivelers?

Jim Halpert,  The Office

Once upon a time in the early seasons, Jim Halpert was cute, smart, and helplessly in love with his best friend Pam. We were all rooting for her to break up with that scumbag Roy and get with the charming, smart guy that made her laugh. We even thought that they would get out of Scranton after they found each other. Eventually, he and Pam were married….and the happily ever after never really came. Jim is still at Dunder-Mifflin, despite years of feeling superior to everyone, and lives in Scranton and often squabbles with his wife over things like if ghosts still exist. Where’s the guy that is supposed to be the happily ever after? All I see is a middle manager who is unhappy with his life but doesn’t do anything to change that.

Andrew Largeman (Zach Braff), Garden State

Andrew  is a guy who’s been given a rough deal: his mother just died, he has an uncaring father, is deeply depressed, and his attempt at becoming an actor in LA is going nowhere. I’ll give him that, it’s hard to crack a smile with that happening. However, he relies solely on the Manic Pixie Dream Girl to breathe life into him, and let’s her do all the heavy lifting. What does he bring to the relationship but a tortured soul to be filledy by a woman-child who has hamster funerals? Even his childhood best friend is practically screaming for his affections but he can’t feel anything for himself and ignores it.

Jack Sheppard, Lost

I could say the same thing about Jack as I did about Rick Grimes. Jack can’t get over his Daddy issues long enough to stop making everthing about him and how it’s HIS responsibility to save everyone whether its giving them spinal surgery or teaching them to bury their poop in the woods. In this case, Jack’s tearful breakdowns seemed more like temper trantrums than emotional vulnerability.

Branson, The Chauffer, Downton Abbey

Sure, he’s radical doesn’t go by the status quo, and stands up what he believes in, which made Lady Sybil’s pantaloons drop in a shorter time than it takes Carson to ring the dinner bell. But he was a bit forceful with her, demanding that she was attracted to him even when she was not sure, and giving her ultimatums. That’s no way to be radical if you are just trying to be Sybil’s father and not her husband.

Harry Potter

Guys, be serious, I’m not a pedophile here. But we were supposed to be rooting for him and Ginny to get together. Readers, you and I know that Hermione is the real brains and braun behind all the “close calls” and defeats of Voldemort. Harry just kind of waves his wand in some direction after Hermione sets the plan and he gets all the glory. And he’s been riding the “boy who lived” fame for a bit too long- he’s like Hogwart’s privilged trust fund baby that is always given a free pass to break all the rules because he was somehow “too valuable” to Dumbledore to punish. I’m surprised Ron even hung out with him anymore. What sort of personality can he offer Ginny? “Hey, remember that one time I defeated Voldemort?” “Hey, remember that one time I snuck around the castle and was caught?” She should have stuck with Dean Thomas

Schmidt (Max Greenfield),  New Girl

Shut up. Just shut up.

-Robin Hardwick