Daniel Tompkins
FUCK THAT CALF!
FUCK THAT CALF! In which we slay the things others hold dear. LOST Life is based on a strict system of punishment and reward. I don’t care about the punishment part because bad things don’t happen to me, but I expect to be rewarded, dammit. You pay for food, you get to eat it. You…
Read MoreBottom Feeders: Norbit
There was a time when Eddie Murphy was a legitimately funny actor…I think. Honestly, I haven’t seen a lot of his ‘classic’ movies. Maybe that’s sad in a way, like someone whose closest experience to Led Zeppelin was hearing “Radioactive,†or maybe I’ve dodged a bullet. My point is that The Firm was a really…
Read MoreFALL TV EXTRAVAGANZA!!!
FALL TV EXTRAVAGANZA!!! AMERICAN HORROR STORY *1/2 (out of ****) American Horror Story is the pet project of the guys who brought you Nip/Tuck and Glee. Starring Not Clive Owen and A Girl, AHS attempts to bring horror to the little screen. A noble task, because if you asked me what the worst format…
Read MoreFALL TV EXTRAVAGANZA!!!
FALL TV EXTRAVAGANZA!!! TERRA NOVA ** (out of ****) Fox has a history of giving unique TV shows a chance, and then pulling the plug way too soon. When they finally committed to Terra Nova, they committed balls deep. Instead of ordering a pilot, they poney-ed up for an entire 13 episode…
Read MoreTHE POP FILTER TOP TEN
THE POP FILTER TOP TEN REALISTIC SEX SCENES 10-KNOCKED UP When Leslie Mann delivers the line of “Seriously?†while looking at Seth Rogen, the tone in her voice should really resonate with each and every one of you. Everyone has been there before [or have you buried your shame with the salt bath you gave…
Read MoreBottom Feeders: It’s Pat: The Movie.
Saturday Night Live has been around long enough to be a Grandparent if it was really slutty and didn’t teach its kids any better. Its cultural impact cannot be measured except in Gillettes, which are also used to estimate the power of lasers. That’s how fucking serious Saturday Night Live is about being important. Anything…
Read MoreBottom Feeders: The Twilight Ultimatum
Waiting in line for Abduction was one of the funnest 40 minute lengths of time of my LIFE. The two teenagers in front of me were clearly no older than sixteen, but had equally as clearly been married for at least thirty years. “I didn’t eat because Friday night is Pizza Night,” said the girl,…
Read MoreFLICKCHART’S GREATEST BATTLES
FLICKCHART’S GREATEST BATTLES! In which we pit two movies together using flickchart.com, debating their merits or lack thereof. ROUND 1: THE DARK KNIGHT VS. INCEPTION FIGHT! Memories sure are a funny thing. The funny thing about memories is that they are all bullshit lies. If you don’t believe me go look up all the girls…
Read MoreHey, You Know What You Should Do?
Hey, You Know What You Should Do? In which we tell you about awesome things that you must look into and enjoy. Watch “Cheers†Saying that the sitcom is dead is like saying slavery is bad. No one is going to disagree with you, and they were actually able to form that opinion long ago.…
Read MoreTHE POP FILTER TOP TEN
THE POP FILTER TOP TEN CREEPIEST HERO/SIDEKICK RELATIONSHIPS 10-Booster Gold and Skeets So let me get this straight. Skeets is a robot from the future armed with centuries of knowledge about human events and yet he somehow doesn’t know that he’s named after a cum shot? There’s no way that’s logical, so it’s pretty clear that…
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