FLICKCHART’S GREATEST BATTLES

At first I just thought up hilarious ways to insert Patrick Bateman into Lord of the Rings.  Imagine the scene from Fellowship where Saruman (Bateman in this case) turns on Gandalf while dancing to Huey Lewis and the News.  That’s the definition of absolute cinematic awesomeness.  But enough talk, I must make a choice and I choose Lord of the Rings.  The only way to really compare the two is to look at their lovable psychos.  American Psycho has the aforementioned Huey Lewis dancing, prostitute murdering Bateman and Lord of the Rings has the ever so precious (see what I did there?) Gollum/Smeagol.  Even on a surface level Patrick Bateman loses because who the hell doesn’t love a loveable CG creature?  Especially one with big sad eyes and hilarious facial expressions?   Going deeper though, we can look at what they do in their movies.  Patrick Bateman viciously murders people that annoy him and then comically argues about things like business card colors.  In other words he’s pretty much a complete dick that occasionally does silly things to make us laugh.  On the other hand Gollum sings about eating fish and tries to get back his stolen property from those heartless Hobbits.  Yeah, the heroes of the film have stolen HIS property.  So what if it’s going to save the world.  What if somebody stole your Xbox for the good of humanity?  Would you kindly let them have it or would you develop a split personality that eventually convinces you to lead them into the lair of a giant murder spider?  I think we’d all choose the latter option.  With its far more sympathetic and loveable murderous psychopath, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers wins this battle.  If only they’d had such luck at Helms Deep.-ASW

Hot Angelina flick with a horrible script and decent special effects…or the worst musical of all time? I dont have to tell you how atrocious The Sound of Music is, but I think at the very least it is the kind of movie I could ignore if I had my laptop open.  TombRaider on the other hand, would lull me into watching it and I would cringe through every single horrible line of dialogue, then laugh at the action sequences, and drool over Angelina’s digitally enhanced bosom.  Advantage Lara.-LF