Let me preface this by saying that I have no issue with the few exclusive games on XBOX (more on that later).  I would love to play Halo 4, Gears of War, etc.  Unfortunately I won’t play these things for a long while as they’re on XBOX 360, the most overrated system in America.  Full disclosure: I’ve been a Sony fan boy since the late 90s BUT I’ve been a Microsoft fan boy and Windows user for far longer.  Sure, Playstation 3 has its shortcomings (hacked accounts, no Skyrim DLC among others) but there are three major reasons why I would shit in XBOX’s change cup if it were begging in the street.

XBOX Live Gold.  Hey you know what’s cool about virtually every type of online gaming (aside from MMOs because duh) they’re generally free!  As long as you have a decent internet connection you can jump on your PC or PS3 and game away with a rewarding multiplayer experience without paying an extra dime.  With XBOX however, you have to pay $50 a year to do the same thing.  Now, from what I hear the XBOX multiplayer is leagues better than any other console but $50 vs. Free more?  I don’t know.  It would be one thing if this only applied to games but it applies to nearly all XBOX online services, including Netflix!  That’s right, in addition to paying your Netflix membership and your internet bill you have to have an XBOX Live membership to watch your movies on your game system.  The end result of this is your innocent, PS3 owner roommates suddenly having Toddlers and Tiaras appear on their recently watched list.  This is never acceptable.

Exclusive Games.  You see that list above of games I would like to play?  That’s pretty much it because XBOX sucks balls at getting exclusive titles.  I can go on and on about the games I get to play on other systems that can’t be played anywhere else but despite Bill Gates having more money than God, XBOX can’t seem to get its shit together and acquire a few third party studios.  They even let Bungie, the creators of Halo, get bought by Activision!  Come on XBOX, throw some money at them to keep them with you, they pretty much made your console.  To further drive home this point, look at E3 this year.  Sony ended their press conference with a stunning gameplay trailer for The Last of Us, Nintendo ended it by showing off one of the exclusive games on its brand new system and XBOX capped their conference off by showing a trailer for Call of Duty, a game that can easily be purchased and played on both of the competitor’s systems.  Fail.

The red rings of death.  I will never forget the look of horror on my friends’ faces when they first experience the system killing red rings of death on their XBOX.  Somehow this system managed to be so poorly made that it would crap out after about a year of use.  Usually this would happen just after their warranty ran out, meaning they were shit out of luck.  Luckily they seemed to have fixed this problem in later versions but fuck you for releasing a system with such a huge flaw.

How about two more reasons for good measure:

They embraced HD-DVD.  Alright I can already hear you guys going “But Alex, Blu-ray was made by Sony so Microsoft couldn’t use the competitor’s technology.”  Yeah you’re probably right, but whether it was stubbornness on their part or stubbornness on Sony’s part as far as giving them access to the tech before the system launched, the end result is that XBOX is a step behind when it comes to being a complete home theater experience.

What the Fuck Menu Screens?  I used to live with some XBOX fan boys and the few times I tried to use it for anything other than gaming I was completely lost in those menu screens.  “Sure kid, you can stream a video from your PC, you just have to find the menu first. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

In closing, fuck this system.  You can throw me all sorts of stuff about the PS3 and how the XBOX has the superior version of every game that comes out for both systems but I don’t care.  Marginal improvement in game quality is nothing compared to the bullshit shortcomings one inherits with every XBOX purchase.  Also, great job on the Kinect guys, I always wanted to see how shitty it would be to play Fable on rails.-ASW