In which we tell you about awesome things that you must look into and enjoy.

PLAY NEWGROUNDS ART GAMES

People who can actually call themselves “gamers” probably already know about newgrounds.com, a website with user-created games, movies, and art.  But people like me just fuck around on the Internet when they should be doing other things, end up learning about these sites through a roundabout fashion, and then like to tell our friends about it (but mostly our non-gamer friends, because we don’t like to look like noobz.)  What I specifically visit the site for, however, are the “art games,” as they’re called.  (For some reason, the art games are really hard to find, now.  The category still exists but I just end up googling “newgrounds art games” and selecting the first hit, because I am your grandmother that wonders if they automatically collect postage costs on sent emails.)

A lot of them are not so much games as they are interactive concept illustrators, like “Dys4ia,” which presents an 8-bit simulation of the hurdles between a trans woman and her treatment.  It’s simple, cute, and affecting.  It also requires very little skill, so you can see its appeal for someone like me.  But some games, like “Time Fcuk,” get incredibly challenging the deeper you go.  And some of them are just lovesick goth teenage bullshit – hey man, what do you want, it’s user-generated.  A couple users have addressed this emo proclivity by making a couple games entitled “Pretentious Art Game” and “Shitty Fucking Art Game.  And then there’s “Don’t Shit Your Pants.”  It’s a text adventure.  Honestly, if you play only one game on Newgrounds, make it that last one.  And DON’T play the dating simulator games.  Those are creepy as fuck.

WATCH HAWP!

“Hey Ash, Watcha Playin’?” or HAWP, is a series of online videos on GameTrailers created by the endlessly talented sibling duo Ashly and Anthony Burch.  They write, direct, and star in…  parodies? reviews? reenactments?…  of video games.  They’re never strictly parodies, never exactly reviews.  The shorts exist in an as-yet-undefined class all their own, but whatever that class is, it will make you laugh your ass off – especially when they convince their dad (always listed in the credits as “Papa Burch”) to lend his acting abilities.

Each episode generally begins with Anthony walking into the living room to find his sister tapping away at a game controller and asking the titular question, “Hey Ash, watcha playin?”  The video game upon which the duo has set their sights is then announced.  What follows next can range anywhere from a reenactment of the climactic boss battle in Bioshock, to a somber critique of capitalism as expressed in Katamari Damacy, to the results of a typical Minecraft session when one of the players is a total jerk…  oh and Ashly visiting some brutal bodily harm upon her brother.  Her character’s (we hope) sociopathy has led to Anthony getting shot, finding feces in his bed, and being fired from his job at Gearbox Software on multiple occasions.  The referential jokes are always exactly on point and their comedic timing is second to none.

This series is a must for video game enthusiasts but it’s definitely not necessary to be one.  A non-gamer might not get ALL of the jokes thrown their way but the basic (or at least germane) concept of the game is usually evident in their videos.  They’ve already got four seasons under their belt, so if you haven’t seen it yet they’re best watched in a row, rapid fire, from beginning to end when you’re home sick from work.  Or home “sick” from work. Whatever, I’m not a snitch.-EW