Hidden Gems: Halloween III: Season of the Witch

What is it?: So you’ve probably heard of this movie before, I mean who the hell hasn’t heard of the Halloween series at this point but if you’re like most people you probably just know it as the one that, for whatever reason, doesn’t have anything to do with the rest of the series.  There’s no Michael Myers, there’s no Dr. Loomis, there’s not even the iconic score.  What you probably don’t know is that this is easily the second most enjoyable film in the franchise.  Instead of a slasher flick we get a supernatural Halloween tale about killer mask, robot henchmen and Stonehenge.  Tom Atkins plays Dr. Dan Challis, an E.R. doctor who gets involved in a horrendous plot to murder children across the nation when one of his patients is killed by a mysterious man in a suit who ends up blowing himself up.  When the patient’s daughter shows up to find out what happened, Atkins goes with her to investigate the Silver Shamrock Mask Company, which is where the guy was last seen before he showed up at the hospital.  The plot is absolutely batshit insane and is honestly more of a Halloween movie in spirit than anything involving Michael Myers.

Why is it a “Hidden” Gem?: John Carpenter had a vision.  If Halloween was going to continue as a franchise he didn’t want the same story to be told over and over again.  Instead he saw an annual series of films that he would produce where each one would be its own self-contained story about Halloween.  The problem was that the studio wanted a definitive end to the Michael Myers story so Carpenter produced Halloween II, taking place the same evening as the first one and killing off The Shape for good.  Halloween III was then slated to be the first of these original tales.  To further this point, the movie isn’t even set in the same universe as Halloween as evidenced by TV spots for the original movie showing up on televisions throughout the film.  The unforeseen problem was that the Michael Myers fans, who had expected another Michael Myers film after the two previous ones couldn’t get behind the concept.  With two movies involving the same characters, people couldn’t grasp the fact that this movie had nothing to do with the franchise they’d already fallen in love with.  So after the huge outcry and relatively low box office take, Carpenter was out and in 1988 we got Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers.  As a result, Halloween III has been cemented as the WTF movie in the series and most people haven’t bothered to check it out.

Why is it Worth Your Time?:  Three words:  Tom Fucking Atkins.  If you don’t know who Tom Atkins is then you need to rectify this immediately.  His role in Night of the Creeps is pretty much one of the greatest things ever and in this he’s equally awesome.  Let’s see.  Excellent mustache? Check.  Stopping to get beer to take on an amateur murder investigation?  Check.  Sleeping with the murder victim’s daughter? Check.  This dude does it all.  Near the end, when the villain applauds him you can bet your ass it’s because of his rugged manliness and not because of his attempts to stop the supernatural murder plot.  “That’s a stupid question Ms. Grimbridge,” is also pretty much the greatest pick up line ever.

Then there’s the villain, Conal Cochran, played by the excellent Dan O’Herlihy.  This guy embodies the kooky prankster dude and takes such childish joy in his child murdering that he makes it extra awesome.  His explanation for his plot is as follows “I do love a good joke and this is the best ever, a joke on the children.”  The guy is talking about the mass murder here and is acting like it’s some great attraction he made up.  If you imagine John Hammond as a bond villain, you almost get to the craziness of this guy.  Also he has an army of robot soldiers that he made, which is pretty awesome for any villain.

We’re entering into mild spoiler territory here but let’s talk about the way he murders these kids.  Basically he manages to use some kind of warlock magic to steal a stone from Stonehenge.  Then he uses the magic power from that stone to create a death laser on all of the masks he sells.  The kids go nuts over his masks and then on Halloween night he plays this special Halloween message that turns on the death laser and replaces the kids, bodies with snakes and bugs, which then kill their parents.  I mean seriously dude, what the fuck?  The masks aren’t even that awesome.  We get a jack-o-lantern, a skull and a witch.  I guess this was before kids went as the Ninja Turtles every year.

Last but not least, the reason this movie is so great is because it’s completely immersed in Halloween traditions.  The Michael Myers might have been killing people on Halloween but none of his movies ever examined the holiday and the traditions that come with it.  We have the aforementioned masks and pranks but it also plays on the lead up to Halloween.  Everyone can remember how exciting the last few weeks of October were as a kid.  You had your costume ready and every store sign and commercial reminded you that you were mere days away from getting a fuck ton of free candy.  This part of Halloween can be seen in the incredibly infectious and annoying commercial for Silver Shamrock that plays about 5 million times through the movie, with each successive one reminding you how many days it is until Halloween.  It’s the type of thing you will remember loving when you were a kid, even if it makes you want to destroy the speakers on your television as an adult.

If you haven’t figured it out already, this is one of the greatest Halloween centric movies of all time (in my mind it’s only second to Trick ‘r Treat).  If you like cheesy ass horror flicks, awesome mustachioed ladies men, and kids turning into snakes then you can’t go wrong with Halloween III.  Also, look out for the fake fire hat near the beginning.  Once you see it you can’t unsee it.