Kerri Battles the AFI’S Top 100 — #67: Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

I had very little idea of what I was getting myself into this week with Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? I’d heard of it, of course, and knew that Liz Taylor starred, but that honestly may only be because I eagerly watched that Lifetime biopic starring the trainwreck that was Lindsay Lohan’s performance. Beyond that, I had the review my mother gave me from her initial viewing almost 50 years ago (verbatim: “AUGH GOD! All I remember is Liz Taylor shrieking for two hours.”) and the vague assumption that, based on the title, there were probably going to be some feminist themes. Suffice it to say I was woefully unprepared.

Our tale begins with George (Richard Burton) scolding his wife, Martha (Elizabeth Taylor), for laughing too loud as they stumble home at 2am from a faculty party at the university where George is a professor. As they arrive home, Martha instructs George to not get too comfortable as they have guests arriving any minute. It would seem Martha’s daddy, also known as President of the University, has asked her to be kind and welcoming to the new math professor and his wife. The two argue and fight, then giggle and make up, though George refuses Martha her requested kiss. He tells her it’s because, if he kisses her now, he’ll simply have to take her by force and that just won’t do with guests on the way. George’s tone then turns serious for a moment as he asks Martha not to go off on her bit about The Kid. Martha immediately becomes irate as the doorbell rings. George opens the door just as he’s goaded Martha into screaming, “I’ll talk about any goddamned thing I want!” The young couple, whose names are never mentioned on screen but are apparently Nick and Honey, are understandably uncomfortable and ask if maybe they shouldn’t come in after all. Their hosts, however, dismiss their discomfort and begin pouring drinks. Awkward conversation ensues, which leads to more drinks, which turns the banter from awkward to passive aggressive, which leads to more drinks. Head games are played, insults are hurled, confessions are made, and The Kid is mentioned. Honey gets drunk-sick in the bathroom and George decides to drunkenly drive his guests home, but they all end up stopping at a roadhouse to dance instead. Things turn even uglier when George reveals the confessions he’s heard and Martha declares all out war. She takes the guests and the car back to the house, leaving George to walk. This affords Martha enough time for a little tryst with Nick while Honey sleeps it off in the car. Martha tells Nick he’s a substandard lover and that George is the only man who has ever made her happy. George returns and tells Martha the hard truth about The Kid. Martha immediately falls apart. Nick, realizing that the truth about The Kid is not the reality of The Kid, collects his sloppy wife and quietly leaves. Martha collapses into George’s arms, crying. George tries to console her by reviving a joke from the party, singing, “Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf?” Martha quietly sobs, “I am.”

 

I know what you’re thinking — that summary paragraph above isn’t really up to my usual spoilerific standards. You’d be right. Most weeks, I want to give as much of the story away as possible to save you the trouble of sitting through a potential turd just to understand why I’m going to tear it apart. This week’s Battle is different, though. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is the film adaptation of a stage play of the same name and the story itself is very small. So small, in fact, that to summarize it accurately and effectively would require retelling every detail. I can’t fit that into a single paragraph short enough to hold the attention of 2015 Internet Readers. I also don’t even want to try because this is one of the few so far that truly deserves the respect of a viewing. I’ll say it early and probably often this week — this one worked hard to earn and deserve a spot on the list. While I won’t tell you what it’s all about, I will tell you why. As I said, the story is small, but it’s hardly unrelatable. From the drunken interactions of these two couples, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? examines the games we play and the lies we tell in order to cope with our dreams that die before realization and to justify clinging to the rotting corpse. Most importantly, it exposes how these things that begin as comforts can so easily turn into the barbs we use to poke old wounds and prevent them from ever truly healing. They turn from the things that keep us sane to the things that drive us over the edge and no one is exempt from that possibility.

If that little teaser isn’t enough to wet your whistle, then trying chewing on this little tidbit: Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is only one of two films in the history of the Academy to be nominated for a statue in every category for which it was eligible. There are only 4 credited actors in the film and all 4 were nominated for Oscars for their performances. Liz Taylor gained thirty pounds of body weight and god knows how much more in make-up in order to portray a 40-something at the still-quite-young-thank-you-very-much-age of 33.  Her portrayal of a drunken, cheating housewife on the edge is matched perfectly by Burton’s paunchy and pedantic cuckold professor as he alternates between shoving her over and tugging her back. Together, they are insufferable assholes who provide the entertainment of a trainwreck as, through clever and creative camera work, we watch them toy with and torture their guests. Nick and Honey, played by George Segal and Sandy Dennis, are just as enthralling as they slowly reveal the myriad sins hiding just below their polished Johnny Football Hero and Innocent Ingenue exteriors.  In the end, none of them is without sin but, for George and Martha, the thing that holds pushes them apart is also the thing that binds them together.

If I still haven’t piqued your interest, I’m not really sure what else to say. Watching Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? is like sitting through the most vicious and awkward family Thanksgiving you can imagine — except it’s someone else’s family and there’s no possibility that you’ll become a target for Drunk Uncle’s wandering hands. In short, it’s the greatest shitshow 1966 had to offer. You’ll have no idea where the story is going until it gets there and you won’t be able to stop watching until you find out. At least, that was my experience. Of course, if you decide to not take my advice and opt instead to skip this one altogether, you’ll never find out where George and Martha’s euphemism is kept. Or the deal with The Kid. And c’mon. Don’t you wanna know? — KSmith