POPFILTER PRESENTS:

THE 2013 ACADEMY AWARDS

DRINKING GAME

If you’re like me you treat the Oscars like an apocalyptic event, stocking up on weeks’ worth of beer and guac, ready to hole up for the entire 8 hour event. These preparations are part of a year’s culmination of watching countless movies, and talking for countless hours about their merits and flaw. If you’re vested in the outcome, you’re life is very sad, and you’re going to be sorely disappointed. Because for every King’s Speech, there’s a Crash or Blindside there to prove how it’s all bullshit. Here’s a fun game to help you get through the marathon un-sober.

Before the show, pick out who you think will win for all of the (important) categories. No one gives a shit about sound editing, leave that out. Also,choose a nominee you believe has no right to be in that category.

 

-Drink once every time you picked wrong.

(For the next week, drink every time someone brings it up, and loudly claim how your choice “was robbed!”)

-Drink twice every time the nominee you hate wins.

-Drink every time a speech gets cut off by the music.

-Drink every time someone thanks God, or Harvey Weinstein.

-Drink every time someone cries.

– Finish half your drink when something unexpected happens, Roberto Benigni style. ( he ran across the tops of the seats, it was goddamned adorable.)

And finally, finish your drink when there’s in inappropriate cut to the audience.

(i.e. They cut to Denzel Washington after showing Samuel L Jackson in Django Unchained; or cut to Tom Cruise after a clip of Phillip Seymour Hoffman from the Master; or after a clip of a Holocaust documentary, they cut to Christoph Waltz.)*

 

 

I wanted to add drink every time a joke bombs, but the Board informs we can’t be responsible for the alcohol poisoning that would ensue.

“Enjoy” the show!

 

*Provided by Ryan Haley- that fucker looks for any excuse to finish a drink.