SUCK MY DISC

 THE GUARD

                                                                                                          ***1/2 (out of ****)

I should start by saying I found The Guard to be amazing. However, I am also smart enough to realize the average viewer will not agree with me. This is not to say I’m better or smarter for liking this film, I just felt a strong connection to it. With just a slight overview it is quit clear why someone would not like it. It’s a movie which builds over an hour to a single lackluster action scene, all throughout filled with characters you can hardly understand making crud and inappropriate jokes. Although, if you find yourself connecting with the lead (Brendan Gleeson), The Guard might just have a strong impact on you, like it did me.

Out of the gate the McDonagh brothers come on strong with their two separate but equally impressive films. This year is John Michael McDonagh with The Guard and three years prior was Martin McDonagh with In Bruges (2008). From just seeing the trailer (and with the film being set in Ireland) I figured this film had something to do with In Bruges, and after seeing the film and finding out the directors are brothers, it all became much more clear. These two films have much in common, including strong characters, beautifully cinematography, and incredible humor. However, where The Guard pulls ahead is in its cult feeling.

From just the opening scene, The Guard feels like a 90s cult classic. The way the violence is played for humor, the abundance of swearing, and a brash score all play to a feeling of a soon-to-be-cult classic.

Even the tone is unique of the film. The humor seems to always come first, yet, is still justified by the seriousness of the situation. The exceptional humor is used for fun, but also to drive main points.

The plot is secondary to the character, yet it’s still interesting. Basically, it’s the story of a little Irish town getting a big time drug smuggling case, and one Sheriff who won’t back down. Sure, it sounds a little cheesy, and it is, but that’s why character is so important to this film.

It is almost indescribable how amazing Brendan Gleeson is, but I shall try to describe it. The character’s overall need for enjoyment in life, which can be seen as an almost self-imposed ignorance, is wonderfully balanced by his quick changes in emotion. Gleeson rounds out would could be just a smart-assed, foul mouthed, hick of a character, with an emotionally deep performance.

Gleeson is also balanced out with his supporting cast. Don Cheadle is the perfect straitman to play off of the absurdity of Gleeson. Cheadle’s remarks and reactions strengthen Gleeson’s performance. Mark Strong’s strange and hilarious performance as the “bad guy” also plays well off of the strange and hilarious performance from the “good guy” Gleeson.

I am well aware nothing really happens in this film. It’s just a bunch of extremely minor incidents leading to one major incident. There is virtually no action in this movie and the action that does exist, is somewhat lackluster (as mentioned earlier). However, this is the point. This film is not to be watch for an action. It is to be watched as an enjoyment of strong characters. We get to watch them come alive as they are presented with the challenge of each situation. You are also meant to laugh if you get the humor The Guard is going for. If you don’t, that is okay, but you will not like this film.

I loved this film and I loved Brendan Gleeson in it. I think a lot of other people will really enjoy this film as well, but you just have to know who you are recommending it too.

Also, “Guard” basically means Sheriff in Ireland… just in case you were wondering. – KM

CONTAGION

*** (out of ****)

Maybe it was time for another “disease kills the world” movie, but just it case it wasn’t, we have good ol’ Stevie Soderbergh for insurance. It’s hard to give a plot synopsis for this movie, other than “disease kills the world”, because this is a weird movie. More procedural than any movie should have any right to be, Contagion makes the bold move of not spending a lot of time with any one character, which means  it bypasses any attachment you might get, and heads straight for the facts. Too many facts? Sometimes, but if it gets a little dry in areas, it just adds to the realism. You really do feel like this is how it could go down. This also means that if one story gets too boring (Jude Law and Marion Cotillard’s storylines comes to mind, whereas Matt Damon’s and Kate Winslet’s remain fairly compelling throughout), you just have to wait a few minutes until you’re whisked to some other part of the world to watch some other famous actor. – RH

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NEW TO BLU RAY

MARLEY AND ME: THE PUPPY YEARS

Marley and Me was a perfect movie, or at least would have been, if it wasn’t for the first treacly two and a half hours. The producers decided that instead of creating a sequel around the thirty seconds of non-schmaltzy parts, they decided to put together a movie based on the puppy years, and call it Marley and Me: The Puppy Years. This, and the fact that this is direct-to-video, is a surprise to no one. I can’t imagine who this movie could possibly be for, except Daniel Tompkins. Hopefully you’ll see a real review soon. – RH

SERENDIPITY

** (out of ****)

Long before he was busting guts and breaking hearts as Ari Gold, America’s favorite TV character ever, Jeremy Piven had another job: John Cusack’s best friend in some of John Cusack’s movies. Serendipity features one of Piven’s most unnecessary performances, which is like saying one of Ke$ha’s most unnecessary songs. Luckily this movie was filmed as he began to magically grow back his hair, so you don’t have to put up with his disgusting premature baldness. John Cusack meets and instantly falls in love with Kate Beckinsale, which makes sense, as she is incredibly hot, and people who put her in their movies have to spend millions in special effects just to digitally remove her angel wings. But John Cusack stays in love with her after she says that they should leave their relationship up to fate, and puts her phone number in a used book, causing his life to crumble as he spends the next decade looking for that used book in every store he passes. The tagline for this movie is “Dating…with a sense of humor.” That alone is to enough to take an entire star off the rating. – RH

NEW TO TVD

JUSTIFIED: THE COMPLETE SECOND SEASON

Listen guys, we have the “Best of 2011” podcasts coming up, and I have been working so hard to get totally caught up on all things television. I swear to fucking God, like 10-12 hours a day, all for you. And just when I think I’m ready to put my list together, society gets together and says “Hey, you know that cheezy looking FX modern western? It’s actually incredible. And you haven’t seen it. Asshole.” Well, fucking awesome. Now I have 24 more hours of TV to watch over the next week. It seems like the global review is that the first season was pretty good, but the second season made it must-watch, especially with the addition of Margo Martindale (as a badguy!) I will do my best to be ready to talk about this by the podcast, which should be dropping in a couple weeks. – RH