The DVD, Blu Ray, and TVD releases of February 14th, 2012

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2: FULL SEQUENCE

** (out of ****)

Okay, so you know when a movie is totally built up for you, and that’s all you hear about for months? “Omg, this is the most brutal movie ever!!!” “It’s so disturbing, no one could handle it!” “People vomited watching it!!!” Then you actually see it and it’s a total let down. That’s exactly how I felt after watching The Human Centipede (First Sequence) from 2009. I expected this movie to change my life solely based off of how disturbing it was. Instead, I found myself laughing at most of the “disturbing” parts, and actually admiring the art of its film making techniques. The Human Centipede (First Sequence) truly was a beautifully made film, even if a few parts were somewhat disturbing.

Now, flash forward to last night, as I sit in front of my television screen with my jaw wide open and my fingers mostly covering my eyes. I have never been offended by anything in my entire life. I have seen things where I could understand why other people would be offended, but I personally have never had a piece of art offend me. That being said, The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) ALMOST offended me. To be honest, I’m not quite sure it didn’t. It almost pisses me off how beautifully shot and made the film was, because it makes me in some twisted way respect the film.

Now my review starts. DON’T WATCH THIS FILM, unless you absolutely have too. I had too because I’m a completionist and I already saw and liked the first one (even though it was a let down). I can’t stress how many times my roommates and I flew back in our chairs and had to get up to walk off what we had just seen. The movie is roughly 90 minutes, but it took my roommates and I over to hours to watch it because we would have to pause and rewind what we had just missed over our yelling.

However, this movie is so well made it keeps you watching and appreciating it. The quality of this movie fully comes out when contrasted to the first. They are the same idea, but stylistically completely different. The first film is many wide shots with beautiful color and stylized editing. The antagonist is a doctor, so all of the violence and disturbing scenes are done with an almost art-like precision. However, this film was dark, black and white, and absolutely gritty. It was filled with many type shots on the antagonist’s face. This short fat man is a parking garage security guard and has absolutely no finesse or percussion with his violence.

Every decision made by the film maker was an intentional and intelligent one. For instance the shining flaw in the first film is its acting. However, this film goes the entire movie without ever having a line of dialogue from the lead, just grunts and laughs. This avoids the acting dilemma from the first and lends to a much more disturbing character. However, All of this still doesn’t excuse the film from being totally fucked.

Upon first hearing the story of the film, The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) sounds extremely pretentious. It’s the story of a man so obsessed with The Human Centipede (First Sequence) he believes he can actually do it with more people. Yet, when viewing it you realize this film is making fun of all of the times you hear this scenario uttered in real life. From countless news shows and positions you hear how violence in films, television, music, and video games will actually cause people to do these things in real life. I hate to admit it, but The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) is actually a very well made movie, and somewhat of a political satire.

I don’t even know how to begin rating this film, so I will split it right down the middle with ** out of ****, so as to seem indifferent about it. It should be rewarded for how well made it is, but also condemned for how far over the line it steps.

 

TAKE SHELTER

***1/2 (out of ****)

A good way to get me to roll my eyes when you pitch me your movie is to tell me that it’s about the end of the world, as predicted by the dreams of a farmer who no one will listen to. I will groan as I imagine the elaborately unoriginal set pieces that bridge the visions into reality, majestically lit by exploding cars. Then you would tell me that the movie has a budget of a million bucks and stars Michael Shannon, and now I’m a little intrigued. It seems impossible that Take Shelter is only Jeff Nichols second movie, as he paces this movie with such a sure hand that no special effects are necessary to build the craziness that is the breakdown of one man, if not the planet. Both he and Shannon knock it out of the park in such a way it makes it hard to believe the movies aren’t shot in chronological order. If you still don’t believe me, check out the Best Movies of 2011 PopFilte podcast, as I named this the eighth best movie of the year. – RH

 

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THE RUM DIARY

 

ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT

**** (out of ****)

Now you can finally see All Quiet on the Western Front as it was intended, not on Blu-Ray, but outside of a high school classroom. Without being forced to watch it, or read it, Western Front is not just one of the greatest, most fucked up war movies of all time, but probably the greatest film about how war is stupid and lame, even though it’s in black and white. Actually, this movie is over 80 years old. It’s more like light white and darker white. Although I’m sure that most soldiers will tell you that watching this movie isn’t even remotely as hard as fighting an actual war, even the most ardent movie soldier would be hard pressed to name a movie that is more realistic and brutal, based on them never having been in a war. A must-see for every world leader thinking about sending some children to their deaths. – RH

 

TVD

FAMILY MATTERS: SEASON 2

By the beginning of the second season, Family Matters was already done being it what it set out to be: a sitcom about a family, regardless of the fact the show went on for another eight seasons after that. At this point, in case you couldn’t tell by the DVD cover, it had already become the Steve Urkel show, and would never look back. Literally every single episode in this season centers around Urkel in some way, starting with the season premiere, which has Urkel burning down the local diner the kids hang out in. The only reason this DVD is getting a release is for nostalgia purposes, but I can’t imagine anyone, regardless of how fond their memories are, making it through more than a single episode. – RH