The PopFilter Fall TeeVee PreVee

ABC

 

 

AMERICAN CRIME

WHAT IT BE:

A crime takes place in a small town. Unfortunately for the town, but fortunately for ABC and its viewers, it’s one of those crimes that has a ripple effect, and many angles it can be looked at.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

There are some moments in the trailer, particularly with the acting, that makes this seem like it isn’t your run-of-the-mill network drama. ABC might be able to branch out from the “daytime at night” plan if this clicks.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

There’s no reason to think that can happen. The trailer really does have some compelling moments, but you just can’t shake the fact that this is on ABC.

WHAT CHANNEL SHOULD THIS HAVE BEEN ON?

The creator is novelist John Ridley, whose television resume is one of the most eclectic I’ve ever seen, including shows like Martin, Barbershop: The Series, and the animated Justice League. If he’s ready to be The Man on a show, than this should have been on FX. If he needs a show under his belt before he can get that responsibility, I would have liked to see this on Showtime.

 

 

THE ASTRONAUT WIVES CLUB

 

WHAT IT BE:

Based on what is allegedly a very popular novel, The Astronaut Wives Club is the story of the women behind the men behind NASA.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

Showrunner Stephanie Savage had a big hand in making The O.C. one of the greatest shows of all time, not to mention the auteur behind Gossip Girl. 

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

I’ve never read the book but, based on the premise, I wonder if it has the ability to make an interesting ensemble of strong female characters, despite the title explaining that they are the wives and nothing more. It’s a fine line to walk. At least the dialogue will probably be good.

HOW MANY EPISODES BEFORE I QUIT IT:

Stephanie Savage has earned a lot of cred in my TV lair, so probably at least a couple.

 

 

BLACK-ISH

PREMIERES SEPTEMBER 24TH

WHAT IT BE:

Anthony Anderson stars as a successful family man who has a mid-life culture crisis, realizing that his wealth and lifestyle may have forced his family to forget their African-American roots.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

Black sitcoms typically get one of two critiques: “this makes black people look bad” or “this makes black people look white.” Anderson may have found a way to combine/comment on both of them. The trailer feels like the show may successfully trade-in low brow laughs for thinking and pacing, which is the opposite feeling that most trailers are designed to give.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

It’s in the dreaded post-Modern Family spot. The Wednesday 9:30 slot should have given us five or six commercial and critical successes by now. Instead, its given us nothing but disappointment.

WHAT CHANNEL SHOULD THIS HAVE BEEN ON:

I’m going to go against my gut and say ABC. Not since the first season of Modern Family has ABC given us a funny, forward-thinking half hour. Black-ish might be the one to break the streak, and take over for Modern Family whenever it is mercifully put down.

 

CRISTELA

PREMIERES OCTOBER 10TH

WHAT IT BE:

Stand-up comedian Cristela Alonzo stars as a law school graduate who has to deal with being a poor, becoming a lawyer, and her wacky Latino family.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

I’m sure it won’t be, based on most standards of good TV. But it’s a family sitcom on a family channel airing on a family night (Friday). Keeping that in perspective, it might still make you laugh six years from now, when you’re high and watching Nickelodeon at midnight.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

I don’t know Alonzo as a comedian, but the only real danger this sitcom faces is taking the Mexican jokes too far. I don’t mean in an offensive way (it is ABC, after all), but in an over-reliant way.

WHAT CHANNEL SHOULD THIS HAVE BEEN ON?

Obviously ABC. ABC has the best track record as far as giving minorities starring roles, and they are clearly positioning themselves for a return to TGIF, if not in name, then in tone. This is ABC’s jam.

 

FOREVER

PREMIERES SEPTEMBER 23RD

WHAT IT BE:

Ioan Gruffudd (I never noticed how stupid that name was until I had to type it) stars as a doctor/lawyer/cop with a gift/curse/secret power. Specifically: a medical examiner who can’t be killed.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

Ioan Gruffudd did play Mr. Fantastic, so he has some experience in playing lame superheroes nobody cares about.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

“You might not be able to die, but you haven’t lived for a very long time.” I swear to God, every trailer for a network drama ends with a line like this, and it destroys my will to live every time. Every fucking time.

HOW MANY EPISODES BEFORE I QUIT IT:

This is one of those shows that I will try to put off watching until it gets canceled in its second week, thereby making watching it unnecessary. The perfect crime.

 

FRESH OFF THE BOAT

WHAT IT BE:

This ABC sitcom is about an ASIAN FAMILY?!? What are you, ABC, the United Colors of Benetton, which is a reference I don’t really understand?

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

It will actually start when it’s supposed to, as opposed to Black-ish, and won’t be drunk all of the time, as opposed to Cristela. Unfortunately, it will have no idea how to drive people to the network. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

Not only does it follow a long line of unsuccessful shows starring Asians, it also follows a long line of unsuccessful shows based on the lives of celebrity chefs. Can Eddie Wong do what Emeril Legasse can’t? Only time will tell.

WHAT CHANNEL SHOULD THIS HAVE BEEN ON?

Obviously ABC, which is apparently the television version of the United Colors of Benetton. I don’t know if there was a push at ABC to feature more minorities this season, or the best pilots they watched just happened to feature minorities, but I’m a little proud of them. If any of these shows can catch on with an audience, it will be a big deal for the network.

 

GALAVANT

WHAT IT BE:

So…apparently ABC does have some balls. Some big, expensive, dancing, musical balls. Much like Agent Carter will replace SHIELD when it goes on hiatus, saving us from reruns or TV-less nights of talking with the family, Galavant will do that same thing for Once Upon a Time. And although they aren’t both set in the same Cinematic Universe, both Once and Galavant both offer new takes on old(e) fairy tales. Unlike Once Upon a Time, however, Galavant is an all-singing, all-dancing crap of the television world. The trailer’s broad jokes, sexual references, and incessant singing make this look like a show for me and no one else.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

The more interesting question is what it would take for this to be a hit. Once is a modest hit, but its spinoff was a flop. That live Sound of Music was a hit, but that might have been more for the chance of seeing someone fuck up than for anyone’s love of musicals. People used to hate Glee, but now hate it like Hitler would hate Glee. Although it’s clearly a comedy and a musical and resembles a fairy tale, it is wholly uncategorizable, which I find interesting but usually makes viewers flee.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

See above. I mean, come on…what the hell is this.

HOW MANY EPISODES BEFORE I QUIT IT:

That’s a complicated question that I don’t want to answer right now. Instead, I’m gonna look at this Farrah Fawcett poster. Yeah, what’s up girl?

 

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER

PREMIERES SEPTEMBER 25TH

WHAT IT BE:

Viola Davis (score) stars as a law professor who gets wrapped up in a murder plot, along with her students. We can presume her students are taking a class called Murder 101, or Introduction to Murdering.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

Because ABC has this noise on lockdown. Although the show’s creator is a Peter Nowalk, the show is from Shondaland, which is Shonda Rhimes’ production company. Nowalk has worked on Shondaland shows Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal, all of which air on Thursday night. Shondaland indeed.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

There are some people who claim Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal are great shows, but I don’t know of a contingent that screams about how much they suck. I’m sure it will be fine.

WHAT CHANNEL SHOULD THIS HAVE BEEN ON?

Come on, now. ABC is Shondaland.

 

MANHATTAN LOVE STORY

PREMIERES SEPTEMBER 30TH

WHAT IT BE:

Girl meets boy. It takes place in Manhattan. BUT! Just in case that premise has been done before…they…can…I don’t know…how about we can hear everything they’re thinking? PERFECT!

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

Because there was a similar scene in Better Off Dead that was pretty funny. Of course, that was just a scene, and not 22 minutes a week, every week, for probably three or four weeks.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

There are so many misfires in the trailer, it’s hard to imagine what a full episode will be like. My favorite: after knowing each other for a couple of days, they go to the Statue of Liberty. When the Statue of Liberty comes into view, Boy starts to cry. Girl notices this, and THINKS (Because that’s this show’s thing) “oh great, he’s gay.” Ka-ching.

HOW MANY EPISODES BEFORE I QUIT IT:

1 long-ass, gimmick establishing episode.

 

 

MARVEL’S AGENT CARTER

PREMIERES JANUARY 2015

 

WHAT IT BE:

Based on a DVD extra packaged with Iron Man 3, and a character introduced in Captain America, Agent Carter stars Hayley Atwell as one of the first agents of the enterprise that will be one day known as S.H.I.E.L.D.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

BECAUSE IT IS MARVEL AND ALL THINGS MARVEL ARE GREAT. PLEASE ACCEPT MY UNDYING PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE ON YOUR WAY TO CONQUERING EARTH. MCU! MCU! MCU! MCU!

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

Marvel hasn’t been able to take over the television world like it had planned. But maybe SHIELD was just the (very expensive) training wheels, and the world collectively ignored it, but are still ready for the MCU on TV(cross your fingers, Netflix). There has got to be something Marvel has learned from SHIELD season one, and it better be incorporated here.

HOW MANY EPISODES BEFORE I QUIT IT:

The newest PopFilter podcast, The Superhero TV Hour Hour, is barreling right for us, most likely forcing me to watch all of this no matter how good or bad it is.

 

SECRETS AND LIES

WHAT IT BE:

Ryan Phillippe is old enough to a father of teenagers?!? Also, he finds a dead boy and everyone thinks that he did it, including his wife for no reason.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

Because, for no reason, I think that ABC is going to get one of these mid-season replacement mini-series to stick. My money is on The Whispers, but it might be this one.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

You ever notice how Ryan Phillippe doesn’t have a grown man’s voice so much as the voice of a little kid trying to an impression of a grown man? This just feeds into my theory that Ryan Phillippe is actually a vessel piloted by a tiny alien, like in that one movie. Men in Black, maybe? I can’t remember.

HOW MANY EPISODES BEFORE I QUIT IT:

Quit what? The Men in Black series? Well, considering I haven’t seen the third one, two I guess. But I still intend to see it, so…NEVER!

 

SELFIE

PREMIERES SEPTEMBER 30TH

WHAT IT BE:

My Fair Lady remake about a social-media obsessed girl and the guy tasked with turning her into a real person. Karen Gillan plays Eliza Dooley, an incredibly modern take on the name Eliza Doolittle, while John Cho plays Henry Higginbottam, a hilarious take on the name Henry Higgins. I would have gone with Hanky Higz, but if you really think that throwing a ‘Bottam’ on there is the way to go, godspeed.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

Everyone more educated than me loves either Karen Gillan or Suburgatory, which was created by Selfie creator Emily Kapnek. And if you’re into both, you’ve got a lot at stake here, nerd.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

Karen Gillan is wearing a wig, just so you know. She shaved her head to play Nebula in Guardians of the Galaxy, and now she has to wear a wig. And that wig could fall off at any point.

HOW MANY EPISODES BEFORE I QUIT IT:

I missed the boat with Suburgatory. It’ll probably happen again here. TWO AND HALF STARS! Wait…that’s for later. TWO AND A HALF EPISODES!!!

 

THE WHISPERS

WHAT IT BE:

Aliens attempt to invade Earth by getting kids to do horrible shit, like killing their mom. A much slower play than…say, blowing up the White House on your way to blowing up the rest of the world.

WHY IT MIGHT BE DECENT:

The trailer was actually kind of cool. This is another one of those mid-season replacement mini-series things, so if they go full boar, telling their story in 8-10 episodes and then worry about second seasons later, it could actually be cool.

WHY IT MIGHT SUCK BUTT:

Executive producers Soo Hugh’s main claim to fame is Under the Dome. Oh well.

WHAT CHANNEL SHOULD THIS HAVE BEEN ON?

This is the show that should be on FX. I don’t think The Strain totally works, but the premise of The Whispers and the panache of The Strain could have combined for a pretty sweet combo.