THESE CELEBRITIES LOST WEIGHT WITH

THIS ONE EASY STEP!

 

We all know that celebrities have it much easier than we do. We don’t have the time to lose weight by eating better or exercising, so when possible, why don’t we steal their secrets. This is the one secret that the celebrities don’t want you to know.

BEYONCE

Oh my goodness! What happened to Beyonce!?! The once gorgeous pop princess now has a beer gut. And although she has never been seen drinking beer while at this weight, what other reason could there be. Let’s see her after the celebrity secret weight loss tip.

Wow! The secret works! But Beyonce might just be a one-off. Let’s take a look at some other celebrities to see if it works for anyone else.

 

JEWEL

Her hands are small, I know, but that tummy is HUGE! What the hell, Jewel? Maybe you write more poetry and fewer grocery lists…grocery lists that probably have junk food on them. I doubt the celebrity secret will work on her.

Look at that! Her cowboy boyfriend left her alone for this picture, but that’s probably because he’s only into fatties. Don’t worry, Jewel! You’ll find a different cowboy who likes women who aren’t fat!

 

JESSICA ALBA

Jessica Alba? More like Jessica Allbutter! This once gorgeous actress is now a cow. Look at that gut! I think these Idle Hands are no longer idle, but instead cramming food in her mouth. There’s no way the secret is going to work on her.

Look at Jessica Alba – more like Jessica Albacore…because it looks like she did exercises on her core! That was a close one. Better not let that happen again, Jess!

 

KIM KARDASHIAN

It turns out that Kim Kardashian actually broke the internet by sitting on it. I know that most of you think that this is a picture of Kim with her head spun half way around, and that load you’re looking at is her legendary fat ass (and fat shoulder blades), but that’s the front of her! What a fatty!

Now in her new form, Kim is left to break the internet without relying on shocking people with her big ol’ body parts. Good job, Kim!

 

ANGELINA JOLIE

Ever since we saw her in Cyborg 2: Cyborgs on Vacation, we knew Angelina Jolie would stay beautiful forever. Or at least until she got old. Or at least until she got fat. Based on this picture, fat beat old by a good ten years.

And just like that, Angelina Jolly is back to Angelina Jolie. I bet Brad Pitt is happy with this turnaround, because that’s her husband I think!

 

JESSICA SIMPSON

We all thought that Jessica Simpson’s fame lasted as long as her talent would allow, but it was actually because she got super fat. That “Best of 2013” mark in the corner of the picture denotes that Jessica Simpson is one of the best people that weighs at least 2,013 pounds. There’s no way that the secret can work for this ton-of-fun.

Now that she’s thin again, will Jessica go back to being famous? Probably not, but that’s OK…she’s not fat anymore!

THE SECRET?: BECOME A CELEBRITY. PEOPLE WILL JUST HELP YOU GET THINNER. I ASSUME. I DON’T KNOW. HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW WHAT THE SECRET IS?