Grown-up Musicals

Most musicals are for the kids, or at least billed as fun for the whole family. But when you can’t quite identify with High School Musical anymore or are in the mood to sing along with something other than “Let it Go” for a change, maybe one of these will speak to your mature soul. Oh and apparently ‘mature’ mainly means sex and drugs, that seems to be the theme here.

Cabaret (1972)

In a time before she was the wacky and slightly pathetic butt of jokes, Liza Minnelli was at the height of her pre-Lucile 2 fabulousness in this story of sex and disillusionment in an increasingly Nazi-ish 1931 Berlin.   Bob Fosse’s multi Oscar winning triumph is the movie Moulin Rouge wanted to be, equal parts glitter and grime.
Why it’s not for the kids: That depends on what age you want to explain the finer points of threesomes, abortions, strip clubs or gas chambers.

Singin’ in the Rain (1952)

It’s only the glowing Technicolor granddaddy of classic musicals, chock full of film history, old-fashioned slapstick and bombastic musical numbers. Of course sometimes Gene Kelly’s lengthy dance sequences border on self-indulgent, especially considering he was both star and Director.
Why it’s not for the kids: Those who have the attention span for old movies may enjoy it, and there’s nothing remotely resembling sex or violence here. But those over 25 will more appreciate the nostalgia fest, and behind the scenes scandals.  Kelly worked Debbie Reynolds so hard her feet were bleeding by the end of some takes, she’s quoted as saying “Singin’ in the Rain and childbirth were the two hardest things I ever had to do in my life.”

Rent (2005)

 

AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! Everybody has AIDS! Oh wait, sorry wrong AIDS musical. Despite the parodies (or maybe because of?) Rent is an institution and just so emotionally satisfying. Of course everyone says the film isn’t as good as the stage show and of course they’re right. It loses a little something in the polishing for the big screen but they get damn close, mainly because the majority of the cast originated the roles on Broadway. And you know Idina Menzel always brings it, before she was playing witches and ice queens for Disney she  rocked the Nederlander as bi-sexual performance activist Maureen.
Why it’s not for the kids: Not because of the AIDS, drug use or diverse representation of sexuality, I mean kids all learn about that from the internet anyway right? No this one is dangerous because of how damn cool it makes squatting in a tenement with your slacker bohemian friends look. Seriously if I’d seen Rent at 15 I would’ve dropped out right then and there to run away to NYC and spend my days finger painting or something…and probably lots of heroin.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)

This video would normally be an excerpt from the movie, which is absolutely fantastic. But nothing beats Neil Patrick Harris’ drag performance of “Sugar Daddy” at the Tony’s, particularly when he licks the glasses of one very surprised Samuel L. Jackson.

Hedwig rocks so hard! Yes it’s a little sensationalist, I mean it’s about a botched sex change operation. That angry little inch is right there in the title, but the themes of love, sacrifice and acceptance are strong and surprisingly resonate with almost everyone…even if you are not a transgender rock star who ran away from the fascism of East Berlin.  And the tongue-in-cheek portrayal of modern America and the general decline of society has some really hilarious moments and messages. Everything about this movie is fantastic but nothing more so than the simply amazing soundtrack of really innovative rock show tunes. Seriously you’re going to be singing “Wig in a Box” for days.
Why it’s Not For The Kids: I’ll let the bridge of the title song will do my explaining for me “The wound healed/and I was left with a one inch mound of flesh/where my penis used to be/where my vagina never was/A one inch mound of flesh with a scar running down it/like a sideways grimace/on an eyeless face/Just a little bulge’/t was an angry inch

All that Jazz (1979)

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Written and directed by Bob Fosse, this movie loosely based on his life has one of the very best death scenes of all time…and the main reason it’s only semi autographical. That and Jessica Lange’s personification of the Angel of Death whom apparently Fosse is desperate to bed already. The movie centers on a passionate and driven chorographer and director (hint hint) who pushes himself too far with sex, booze drugs and work until it kills him in a glittering and extravagant hallucination of a stage show featuring everyone from his past.
Why It’s not for the kids: If that last sentence didn’t convince you this one is best watched after the munchkins go to bed, then you deserve having to explain to little ears all about addiction and why some people might actually want to die.

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

King of the midnight movie circuit, RHPS has been attracting throngs of dedicated fans clad in fishnets and combat boots since Tim Curry first appeared onscreen in all his smirking, corseted glory. And how could it not? It’s a sci-fi musical about a mad scientist from outer space building himself a sex Frankenstein. The music excels at being both rocking (see Meatloaf on a Motorcycle belting “What ever happened to Saturday night?”)  and ear-wormy (see “The Time Warp” at every Halloween party you’ve ever been to.)
Why it’s not for the kids: What was once the height of avant garde depravity is now fairly tame by today’s standards and most of us discover this gem at some point in High School. But Glee’s watered down travesty of an homage was proof that the word “transsexual” is sadly still too racy for some people.

Tommy (1975)

 

I shouldn’t even have to convince you to watch this one, it’s obviously awesome…I mean it’s The Who. Not to mention Ann Margaret, Tina Turner, Eric Clapton, Elton John and Jack Nicholson all singing their hearts out. Yea, Nicholson sings and it’s just as sardonic as you imagine. Tommy is the classic tale of a kid who goes deaf, dumb and blind after witnessing his father’s murder, gets fucked with a bunch, becomes a pinball wizard then starts a cult. It’s all kinds of psychedelic fantastic.
Why it’s not for the kids: Other than the murder, brainwashing, torture, and molestation? It’s also pretty blatantly anti-organized religion if you know, that kind of thing bother you.

Velvet Goldmine (1998)

 

Another movie loosely based on a true story, but this one wasn’t written or even endorsed by those it was about. Velvet Goldmine reimagines the glam rock era and the friendship between David Bowie and Iggy Pop. But Bowie hated the script and so it’s not really about him, simply the tale of fake rock stars Brian Slade and Curt Wild with a whole bevvy of new fake 70’s songs.
Why its not for the kids: Mainly because Ewan McGregor flops around completely naked for like 5 full minutes…flops being the key word here.

Gypsy (1962)

This jaunty showbiz musical is the origin story of famous burlesque queen Gypsy Rose Lee and her overbearing mother’s drive to make her daughter a star. After all nothing says motherly love like pushing your daughter into stripping to feed your own ego. Rosalind Russell is perfectly cast as the pushy and dynamic Mama Rose and Natalie Wood’s shy, sweet Louise is so heartfelt her first (borderline involuntary) strip show really does feel like a twist.
Why it’s not for the kids:  It’s a tossup between the classic song “You Gotta Get a Gimmick” wherein three dancers give Louise pointers on novelty stripping, and when Rose tells her daughter “I’ve got to think of a new strip for us” and the cringe worthy mental image that produces.

Hair (1979)

 

Draft dodging has never been so fun! Naïve farm boy Claude signs up for the Army but falls in with the dirty hippies of Central Park, fully embracing their ways of free love and LSD. In a fit of wacky hippie hijinks his friend Berger switches places with him at the Army base and gets shipped off to Vietnam, where he of course dies immediately due to definite lack of combat training. This is somehow supposed to be the catalyst for the peace movement, I don’t know I kind of don’t see how the government is at fault for this one other than keeping terrible track of their guys. Why its not for the kids: You expect public sex and hallucinogens from the hippies but its pretty discomforting to see the mom from Christmas Vacation tripping balls.

– Amelia Steinmetz