True Life: I Don’t Want the Arrested Development Movie to Happen

You practically burst into tears upon hearing Europe’s “The Final Countdown.” When you see blue paint, you think to yourself “I just blue myself.” You stay up late several nights a week on twitter/tumblr/fansites/reddit/what have you curse the network television’s bad choices- first they cancel Arrested Development and now Community is on hiatus??? Finally, you hear the news you’d never thought you’d hear: Arrested Development is coming back on Netflix. You pinch yourself. No, it’s not a dream. Miracles do happen.

I think it’s a bad idea.

It’s not because I hate the show- quite the opposite. I’ve never seen a show so quick-paced, cleverly written and acted to comedic perfection. I was one of the many that discovered it too late: after it had been canceled and was on dvd. I went on a tv bender and watched the three short seasons in practically one sitting. But, as we know, the tv world values viewership over quality, and it was over as soon as Fox realized it was losing viewers. And I think we just need to accept that. Why ruin a perfect thing? Right now Arrested Devo is a classic, and I don’t use that world lightly. It will be remembered as some of the best tv ever. Ever!

Too much time has passed in between the end of the show and the new episodes. The expectations behind the new movie is astronomical. It can no longer be pure art. The show has come back under the demand of the fans- it is no longer Mitch Hurwitz’s show. The show is already has to live up to astronomical expectations from the fans. The fans demanded the return, it feels more like the show owes the fans, instead of a writer/director expressing his creativity through the art of a television show. How can it possibly live up to all the expectations?

Imagine a scenario where the show ran for five or six seasons on the first run. Shows need to change creatively. If it was done gradually, like, let’s say, the whole family moved to another country, we would accept it and trust Hurwitz’ creative license to do so. Now, we want our old characters back and our old scenarios.

Arrested Development made stars out of several of its unknown-actors, including Michael Cera, Will Arnett, and relaunched Jason Bateman’s career. Can we really see them as their original characters? Sure, they will do a fine job reading their scripts and acting LIKE the characters, but we can no longer see them as such.

I highly doubt that all of the original cast originally jumped at the idea of returning for a short series and a movie. As much as I am sure they loved doing the show, if they are now making a higher salary because they are more in demand, do we really expect them to come back to a smaller salary just because the fans demand it? I don’t mind them looking after themselves financially. If they are worth more money, they should make more money. I wouldn’t expect them to do a job for less money because they believe in the cause. This is their job.

For me, context means everything. During it’s original run, it took risks and had a format and storytelling that was like no other show on network television. That was part of the appeal. A new show doesn’t have the same context. It’s like seeing a Motley Crue show today- sure, it’s the same people, but does it have the same effect as seeing them on the Sunset Strip back in the 80s?

Reviving television shows to make movies is not an uncommon pehenomenon. Let’s look at how it turned out:

Serenity (2005):

I am even surprised how this got made. I mean, who actually watched Firefly during it’s first run? And who wanted to see this who didn’t watch Firefly. Luckily, after his success with Buffy, Joss Whedon could call the shots. The special effects/cinematography were great, and Summer Glau seemed to turn into a master contortionist since the show. However, [spoiler] one of the main and most beloved characters was killed off. Fans were even more upset! And no more movies will ever be made, so they still are upset! No doubt it was a great movie.

Was It Worth It scale? 8.0

Strangers With Candy (2005):

Yes, Stephen Colbert played a closeted gay teacher before he had his show. The original show was weird, unconfortable, taboo, satirical and dark. So, the idea of having more of the same in a prequel seemed amazing. The result? No one jumped to distribute the picture and it had a really quiet release on dvd. Plus, it was weak. Turns out that 23 minutes is the perfect time to experience this show- more than that, it fizzled.

Was it worth it? Scale: 1.5

The Growing Pains Movie (2000):

Was it necessary to see Ben Seaver as an adult? Did we need to know that Carol now works in politics? No, no, and no. Kirk Cameron, go back to proving Intelligent Design with bananas.

Worth it? 0.0

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979):

I have an appreciation for all things Star Trek, but I can’t call myself a superfan. However, the first Star Trek movie was made ten years after the original show was cancelled, so that seems to be enough time to forget it a little and be able to reinvent some storylines. Star Trek fans accepted this movie into canon, although I do remember subsequent movies getting a bit ridiculous. I seem to recall Spock swimming with killer whales.

Was it Worth It Scale: 7.0

Star Trek (2009):

By the time 2009 arrived, everything nerdy was suddenly what everyone wanted to see. Stuff that some of us would get beat up for liking as teens are now getting people laid. So it was natural that Star Trek got a reboot. J.J. Abrams was all “Read the synopsis of a possible Star Trek story. Now add SEXY in front of everything! ‘Sexy’ Kirk ‘sexily’ repels down to the ‘sexy’ drill. He gets into a fight with ‘Sexy’ Spok, who is, as we find out, dating ‘sexy’ Uhura.”

Was it Worth It Scale: 9.5

Saved By the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas (2004):

If you are in your twenties/early thirties, I don’t think it’s possible to actually have a bad opinion of Saved By the Bell, despite it being a steaming pile of utter nonsense. It’s just so ingrained in our past that it’s like the oxygen we breathe. No wonder its creators couldn’t let it go- there were the College Years and The New Class. And finally, there was Wedding in Vegas!

Otherwise known as the one where Zach Morris gets laid (finally)! Crazy hikinks ensue, involving thugs, diamonds, and golf carts falling into pools. But, at least we get closier on the world’s longest “will they or won’t they” saga.

Was It Worth It Scale: 6.0

Sex and the City (2008) and Sex and the City 2 (2010):

This is probably the single biggest example of a mistake of a movie. What used to be a funny, escapist piece of television candy (I’m talking the first three seasons) has turned into a sad display of faux-feminism and offensive stereotypes. Carrie, formerly a fashion icon, now dresses like an escaped mental patient.

Was It Worth It Scale: -100

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Losing a show that means a lot to you is hard. And the prospect of a revival can make your heart soar, but it also leaves too much up for disappointment. Why not remain a classic?