WINTER TV EXTRAVAGANZA

THE RIVER

** 1/2 (out of ****)

The River aired this week on ABC, and if you’re like me, you’re surprised it’s not a Survivor style reality show. If’ you’re still like me you put that together based only on the posters with the eye peering through leaves. And if you’re still on board being like me, you had a pee race with a hobo on one of those posters, got frustrated when he won, and peed on his stupid hole-filled homeless shoes. The River is Anaconda meets Paranormal Activity, from Oren Peli, the director of Paranormal Activity and the cheesiness of Anaconda. Imagine if Steve Irwin didn’t die from the most manly tragic way possible, but instead disappeared looking for magi in the wild, and it was up to his family and crew to find him. That’s basically the premise of the show. Oren Peli takes what he’s learned making the Paranormal Activity trilogy, and sharpens it up for the show. Seeing how the whole thing follows a full fledged documentary, there doesn’t need to be stupid reasons for countless cameras all over the place, and the camera work works quite well with the scares. This is the second new horror show this season, and it’s vastly different from American Horror Story. Being on ABC, the River can’t get away with the violence and sex AHS can, so it relies a little more heavily on psychological scares. They’re by no means terrifying, but often used pretty intelligently. It seems like they’re going to follow the overarching mysteries while dealing with a freak of the week kind of scenario, which could work in their favor as the main mystery can’t be solved too fast. My biggest problem with the first 2 episodes is that in the last few minutes the villain of that particular episode is dealt with but barely wrapped up. It’s like the characters just get bored with dealing with that particular phantom trying to kill them, and just bail down the river. Holy shit…the river is their salvation AND their horror. Deep. Deep like a river. This goes on forever.  Like the Amazon. Which is the river they’re on. Damn.-MG