WINTER TV EXTRAVAGANZA

ARE YOU THERE, CHELSEA?

* (out of ****)

Chelsea Handler continues her attempt to bleed into as many TV shows as possible with Are You There, Chelsea, which follows the stories from her  book “Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea.” Laura Prepon plays Chelsea in her younger days, while Handler plays her older, pregnant, incredibly judgmental and Christian sister. The fact alone is as dumb and baffling as you need it to be to avoid the show. Also, we know the sister is all of those things because when Chelsea (Prepon) first talks about Sloane (Handler) she word for word says all that bullshit. This show never once shows you anything; the characters all describe everything in excruciating detail just in case the audience is too fucking dumb to figure out Chelsea  and her best friend like partying and other people judge them for it. I’m not a a huge Chelsea Handler fan, but nor am I a hater and I certainly thought she had more in her than this garbage. The jokes are nonexistent , but the  laugh track guy’s hand is jammed down on the uproarious laugh button through the whole pilot- at times you can’t even hear the non-jokes and awful delivery over the maniacal laughter at nothing.

Even if the non-jokes didn’t make me furious, the delivery of literally everyone is mind boggling. They’re all acting like they’ve only barley read the script, then do a single take and that’s what made it into the show. At one point, we get to see the new roommate actually forget her line halfway through saying it, slow down until she remembers the end, and attempts to finish strong. She fucking fails. This whole show falls flat on it’s face, and that fact is hammered home by the over the credits dance montage for absolutely no  damn reason. Also, none of these people know how to dance, and that infuriated me. By the end of this show, literally anything that happens in the world will infuriate you. Don’t watch this show. Ever. -MG