The Mad Men Drinking Game

 

Once upon a time there was a girl who judged the shit out of people who were able to consume marathon episodes of television. She called them lazy, and hardly believed such a lifestyle of slothitude could exist. Wasn’t it only in television shows you could leave the house with someone on the couch in their pajamas; to come back 10 hours later and they’d STILL be in their pajamas with slightly more tousled hair and an odor of fast food emanating through the house? It seemed like a waste of living… a way to degrade just like the film career of John Cusak. But one day the light bulb of epiphatic epiphanies finally lit such a dark dark place in her heart. Only one show has ever been able to shower her with a deep love of marathon television watching.  This show is called Mad Men; and all four seasons of this wonderful creation are now available on Netflix Instant for everyone to enjoy.

So I’ll cut the third person bullshit out and just let you know that Mad Men is not a waste of your time. This is one of the only shows that have actually gained viewership steadily over the past 4 seasons [and will no doubt gain more after its’ release on Netflix]. It has won Emmy, Golden Globe, and Screen Actors Guild awards for acting, writing, and design. The show is in high competition for their real ad space; Sterling and Cooper advertise companies that are actually in existence and those companies pay to have their products placed into this show. I fucking hate Heineken [AND SO SHOULD YOU] but when an episode is centralized around their product- people will end up buying it [at least that’s what the show has taught met thus far!]. The outfitting for this show is stunning- women in bright, tasteful, and classic dresses accomplanied by their men in suits. Oh, the attention to detail is phenomenal! Can we just focus our fashion trends on this now? Pleeeaseee??

You’ll find yourself struggling to actually like Don Draper. The family he and Betty have together is picture perfect. From the 1960’s point of view it is what everyone would hope to have- upper middle class in the suburbs with 2.5 children and a maid. Sounds rather contradictory to my statement right? Don Draper cheats on his wife… a lot. He lies to cover his tracks while his mistresses give him everything sweet Betty probably couldn’t even fathom doing. He stole someone else’s identity and basically disowned his entire past to rebuild a different life. But, can you really blame a guy whose whore of a mother named him Dick in the final moments of her life? He’s the kind of guy who will visit you in the hospital when you have an unexpected baby… but will also hit you up for bail money when he can’t get it from his wife on account that he was with another woman while he was getting arrested. Don’t be surprised if you can’t decide if he is a decent person or not. It’s an ongoing battle. But it really doesn’t matter because the way that man wears his suits is delicious… he can be good or evil… as long as he keeps on staying well tailored.

Someone who I look up to and admire as a character is Joan. She has a mass amount of sex appeal that drips through every room she walks through, it is inescapable. She turns heads and her coworkers put her above Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy in ranking of hotness. She keeps her personal and private life separate while using her sexuality to open doors for herself. Joan speaks her mind and will tell whomever anything, for example, “you’re the new girl, and you’re not much, so you might as well enjoy it while it lasts.” DAMN, a direct slap in the face! Her insults are soaked in honey; if you weren’t paying attention to her words, you probably wouldn’t notice the knife hiding in them. Sure she is just an office manager, but she has the answers to everything and will help people with their problems on a whim. Joan Holloway/Christina Hendricks is one ridiculously beautiful woman and most men in the world will agree that she should just be single… for forever. Screw the snozzberry guy… 100% of the people who know they are married get really sadly confused over the fact that Christina Hendricks is married to him.

I wanted to make a rule where you have to drink every time a character is doing something taboo in our society today. I personally love watching children toss themselves around the car without seatbelts on. Drinking and driving was not a problem -in fact- drinking while driving wasn’t that big of a deal. Seeing a big bellied pregnant chick with a cigarette in her hand and a glass of wine in another is such a trip, but it was something that wasn’t deemed unhealthy until later! If you want to degrade women on a daily basis- feel free, they will not say anything back. Want to be a racist? All but one character on this show cared about black people… so go for it! I can see how it could be uncomfortable to watch Mad Men, but sociologically speaking, that is part of the mass appeal. It is ridiculously interesting to see how situations were handled back in that time. So for all of you advanced drinkers- feel free to drink any time a taboo event occurs, but it was omitted for a reason. It happens in every scene! Also- a lot of people have suggested to drink whenever they drink… but that’s just too easy! But if you want to add it in… God Speed.

This show is ridiculous and the amount of alcohol that these people consume is impressive… so… GET ON THEIR LEVEL!

The Mad Men Drinking Game

1. Draper leaves work and doesn’t come back [x2 if it’s to go get laid]
2. A bottle of alcohol  is opened and poured
3. Anyone has sex in the office
4. Draper saves an account by brilliantly coming up with a new approach
5. Draper  has a flashback
6. Joan insults a person to their face [x2 if it is mid conversation]
7. A single phone is ringing
8. Pete Campbell acts like a creep
9. If more than three people light up their cigarettes in one scene
10. Mrs Draper is drinking when Don gets home
11. Peggy tries to work and is interrupted
12. Real coverage of world events is used on the television, newspaper, or radio
13. Name those ingredients!- A game within a game… if you can say what different type of liquors and mixers are in the drink they have in their hand… assigns a drink to someone else! Or… yourself